n next. I saw no
likelihood either of staying or of returning to Grenoble, where I had
left my daughter in a convent. Father La Combe had written to me that
he did not think I ought to go to Paris. I even felt a strong
repugnance to the idea of going, which made me think it was not yet the
time for it. One morning I felt myself inwardly pressed to go
somewhere. I took a conveyance to go to see the Marchioness of Prunai,
which was, I thought, the most honorable refuge for me in my present
condition. I thought I might pass through Nice on my way to her
habitation, as some had assured me I might. But when I arrived at Nice,
I was greatly surprised to learn that the conveyance could not pass the
mountain. I knew not what to do, nor which way to turn, alone, forsaken
of everybody, and not knowing what God required of me. My confusion and
crosses seemed to increase. I saw myself, without refuge or retreat,
wandering as a vagabond. All the tradesmen, whom I saw in their shops,
appeared to me happy, in having a dwelling of their own in which to
retire. Nothing in the world seemed harder than this wandering life to
me, who naturally loved propriety and decorum. As I was in this
uncertainty, not knowing what course to take, one came to tell me that
next day a sloop would set off, which used to go in one day to Genoa;
and that if I chose it, they would land me at Savona, from whence I
might get myself carried to the Marchioness of Prunai's house. To that
I consented, as I could not be supplied with any other way.

I had some joy at embarking on the sea. I said in myself, "If I am the
dregs of the earth, the scorn and offscouring of nature, I am now going
to embark on the element which above all others is the most
treacherous; if it be the Lord's pleasure to plunge me in the waves, it
shall be mine to perish in them." There came a tempest in a place
dangerous for a small boat; and the mariners were some of the
wickedest. The irritation of the waves gave a satisfaction to my mind.
I pleased myself in thinking that those mutinous billows might probably
supply me with a grave. Perhaps I carried the point too far in the
pleasure I took, at seeing myself beaten and bandied by the waters.
Those who were with me, took notice of my intrepidity, but knew not the
cause of it. I asked some little hole of a rock to be placed in, there
to live separate from all creatures. I figured to myself, that some
uninhabited island would have terminated a