this sacred silence, which infused into them an
extraordinary strength and grace; but I received nothing from them;
whereas with Father La Combe there was a flow and return of
communication of grace, which he received from me, and I from him, in
the greatest purity.

In this long malady the love of God, and of Him alone, made up my whole
occupation, I seemed so entirely lost to Him, as to have no sight of
myself at all. It seemed as if my heart never came out of that divine
ocean, having been drawn into it through deep humiliations. Oh, happy
loss, which is the consummation of bliss, though operated through
crosses and through deaths!

Jesus was then living in me and I lived no more. These words were
imprinted in me, as a real state into which I must enter, (Matt. 8:20)
"The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son
of Man hath not where to lay his head." This I have since experienced
in all its extent, having no sure abode, no refuge among friends, who
were ashamed of me, and openly renounced me, when universally decried;
nor among my relations, most of whom declared themselves my
adversaries, and were my greatest persecutors; while others looked on
me with contempt and indignation. I might as David say, "For thy sake I
have borne reproach; shame hath covered my face; I am become a stranger
to my brethren, and an alien unto my mother's children; a reproach to
men, and despised of the people."

He showed me all the world in a rage against me, without anyone daring
to appear for me and assured me in the ineffable silence of His eternal
Word, that He would give me vast numbers of children, which I should
bring forth by the cross. I left it to Him to do with me whatever He
pleased, esteeming my whole and sole interest to be placed entirely in
His divine will. He gave me to see how the Devil was going to stir up
an outrageous persecution against prayer, yet it should prove the
source of the same prayer, or rather the means which God would make use
of to establish it. He gave me to see farther how He would guide me
into the wilderness, where He would cause me to be nourished for a
time. The wings, which were to bear me thither, were the resignation of
my whole self to His holy will. I think I am at present in that
wilderness, separated from the whole world in my imprisonment. I see
already accomplished in part what was then shown me. Can I ever express
the mercies which my God has bestowed on me?