in' to read Auntie to sleep?"

"There!" says she, poutin' cute. "I wasn't going to let anyone know.
I've started in at college."

"Wha-a-at!" says I. "You ain't never goin' to be a lady doctor or
anything like that, are you?"

"I am taking a course at Columbia," says Vee, "in domestic science.
Doris is doing it, too. And such fun! To-day we learned how to make a
bed--actually made it up, too. To-morrow I am going to boil potatoes."

"Hel-lup!" says I. "You are? Say, how long does this last?"

"It's a two-year course," says Vee.

"Stick to it," says I. "That'll give me time to take lessons from
Westy on how to get an income wished onto me."

As it stands, though, Vee's got me distanced. Please, ain't somebody
got a plute aunt to spare?

CHAPTER II

TOWING CECIL TO A SMEAR

Just think! If it had turned out a little different I might have been
called to stand on a platform in front of City Hall while the Mayor
wished a Victoria Cross or something like that on me.

No, I ain't been nearer the front than Third Avenue, but at that I've
come mighty near gettin' on the firin' line, and the only reason I missed
out on pullin' a hero stunt was that Maggie wa'n't runnin' true to form.

It was like this. Here the other mornin', as I'm sittin' placid at my
desk dictatin' routine correspondence into a wax cylinder that's
warranted not to yank gum or smell of frangipani--sittin' there dignified
and a bit haughty, like a highborn private sec. ought to, you know--who
should come paddin' up to my elbow but the main wheeze, Old Hickory
Ellins.

"Son," says he, "can any of that wait?"

"Guess it wouldn't spoil, sir," says I, switchin' off the duflicker.

"Good!" says he. "I think I can employ your peculiar talents to better
advantage for the next few hours. I trust that you are prepared to face
the British War Office?"

Suspectin' that he's about to indulge in his semi-annual josh, I only
grins expectant.

"We have with us this morning," he goes on, "one Lieutenant Cecil
Fothergill, just arrived from London. Perhaps you saw him as he was
shown in half an hour or so ago?"

"The solemn-lookup gink with the long face, one wanderin' eye, and the
square-set shoulders?" says I. "Him in the light tan ridin'-breeches and
the black cutaway?"

"Precisely," says Mr. Ellins.

"Huh!" says I. "Army officer? I had him listed as a rail-bird from the
Horse Show."

"He presents credentials signed by General