Deborah moved toward the door. "My affair is
just mine, you see, and this won't make any difference."

But in her heart she knew it would. What an utter loathing she had to-night
for all that people meant by sex! Suddenly she was quivering, her limbs and
her whole body hot.

"You say I'm cold," she was thinking. "Cold toward Allan, calm and cool,
nothing but mind and reason! You say it means little to me, all that! But
if I had had trouble with Allan, would I have come running home to talk?
Wouldn't I have hugged it tight? And isn't that love? What do _you_ know of
me and the life I've led? Do you know how it feels to want to work, to be
something yourself, without any man? And can't _that_ be a passion? Have
you had to live with Edith here and see what motherhood can be, what it can
do to a woman? And now you come with _another_ side, just as narrow as
hers, devouring everything else in sight! And because I'm a little afraid
of that, for myself and all I want to do, you say I don't know what love
is! But I do! And my love's worth more than yours! It's deeper, richer, it
will last!... Then why do I loathe it _all_ to-night?... But I don't, I
only loathe _your_ side!... But yours is the very heart of it!... All
right, then what am I going to do?"

She was going slowly down the stairs. She stopped for a moment, frowning.

CHAPTER XXXII

On the floor below she met her father, who was coming out of his room. He
looked at her keenly:

"What's the trouble?"

"Laura's here," she answered. "Trouble again with her husband. Better leave
her alone for the present--she's going to stay in my room for a while."

"Very well," her father grunted, and they went down to dinner. There
Deborah was silent, and Edith did most of the talking. Edith, quite aware
of the fact that Laura and all Laura's ways were in disgrace for the
moment, and that she and her ways with her children shone by the
comparison, was bright and sweet and tactful. Roger glanced at her more
than once, with approval and with gratitude for the effort she was making
to smooth over the situation. Deborah rose before they had finished.

"Where are you off to?" Roger asked.

"Oh, there's something I have to attend to--"

"School again this evening, dear?" inquired Edith cheerfully, but her
sister was already out of the room. She looked at her father with quiet
concern. "I'm sorry she has to be out to-night--to-night of all nights,"
she murmured.

"Humph