thing was to get booted, I
succeeded. It cost me nineteen dollars.

I'd willingly return the compliment for nothing.

At last my boots were finished, and I went into them right and left; at
least, I tried so to do.

With every nerve flashing lightning, I pulled and tugged most
thrillingly, but in vain.

"There's no putting my foot in it," says I.

"Give one more try," says he.

Although almost tried out, I generously gave one more. I placed the
bootmaker's awl in one strap, and his last-hook in the other, and with
"two roses" mantling my cheeks, postured for the contest.

I tried the heeling process, and earnestly endeavored to toe the mark;
but to successfully start the thing on foot was a bootless effort.

Then I slumberously gravitated, and dreamed thus:--

Old "LEATHERBRAINS" in SATAN'S livery, producing a hammer from a
carpet-bag (he was a carpet-bagger), proceeded to shape my feet, and
fill them with shoe-pegs.

My nap was ruffled, and not to be continued under those circumstances,
so I wisely concluded it.

"They're on!" says the bootmaker.

And a tight on it was, excruciatingly so.

I suspected at the time that I had been put to sleep by chloroform, but
I afterward remembered that a feeble youth was reading aloud from the
Special Cable Dispatches of the _Tribune._

My feelings centred in those boots, tears filled my eyes, and I was dumb
with emotion, but quickly reviving, I slaked the cordwainer with a flood
of rabid eloquence.

The cowering wretch suggested that they would stretch. He lied, the
villain, he lied, they shrank.

However, "in verdure clad," I was persuaded into wearing them, and
stiffly sidled off, a badgered biped, my head swinging round the circle,
and my voice hanging on the verge of profanity all the way.

As fit boots they were a most successful failure. I gave them to the
office boy; but the crutches I afterward bought him cost me twenty-seven
dollars.

Henceforth I shall take my cue from JOHN CHINAMAN, and encase my
understanding in wood. Yours calmly,

VICTOR KING.

* * * * *

Recognized at Last.

A recent telegram from London says:--

"The Prussian hussars rode down and out to pieces a regiment of marine
infantry."

Hooray! Cheer, boys, cheer! The mythical Horse-Marines are
thus at last recognized as an accomplished fact.

* * * * *

"As I was going to St. Ives."

At St. Ives, Huntingdonshir