HAIR-DRESSIN.

The more frizzled and stirred up a ladey's hair appears nowadays, the
hire she stands in the eyes of the _Bon tung_. A waterfall which will go
into a store door without the wearer stoopin over, hain't considered of
suffishent altitood for a fashinable got-up _femme de sham_ to tug
around.

Thrashin masheens are now used to get just the rite angle on the hair.

The head is inserted in the masheen, which proceeds to give the
_copiliary_ attraction a wuss shampoonin than can be got in a Rale Rode
smash up.

Where thrashin masheens hain't to be had, young gals sprinkle the hair
with corn-meel, and then let the chickens scratch it out. This gets up a
_snarl_ which a Filadephy lawyer can't ontangle.

_Chauced bolony sassiges_ are fashinable danglin from a ladey's back
hair.

These are often worn dubble barrelled, remindin us of a yoke of
oxen--takin a waggin view of it.

MEN'S HARNISS.

Trowsers are very narrer contracted about the walkin pins.

The only way a feller can get his _calves_ into his bifurkates, is to
fill his butes with _milk_ and coax 'em through.

N.B.--The readers of this report musen't misunderstand me, and undertake
to crawl head first through their garments, for I assure _him_ or _her_,
that I refer to the _calves_ of their perambulaters.

Cotes are worn short waisted, short in the skirts, and short in the
sleeves. I have known them _short_ in the pocket, when the taler sent in
his bill.

Neckties are worn large, what would usually be alowed for a silk dress
is required now for a fashenable scarf.

With the 2 long ends, which hangs danglin down over a feller's buzzum,
it doesent make a bit of difference if he wears a ragged shirt, dirty
shirt, or no shirt at all.

Charity covers a multitood of sins, I'm told, and so does the new stile
of scarfs cover a heep of dirt and old rags.

The new stile of silk hats, worn by a femail heart destroyer, is big
enuff to hitch up dubble, with the shoo, in which the old lady and her
children "hung out."

Altho the wimmen fokes have got off the _steel trimmims_, I notiss the
Internal Revenoo Offisers are continerly gettin in _stealin trim_.

This strictly reliable report will be isshood as often as the undersined
gets any new cloze.

Any person wishin to know how to dress, can obtain the required
informashen by sendin a ten cent shinny to PUNCHINELLO Pub. Co.

A well-drest man is the noblest work of his taler, likewise is a
full-r