Reforming Nuisances would be complete.

There are, however, plays which could be changed so as to terminate much
more naturally and effectively than they now do. For example, there is
_Enoch Arden._ At present ENOCH, when he looks through the window and
sees his wife enjoying herself with PHILIP in the dining-room,
immediately lies down on the grass-plat in the back-yard, and groans in
a most harrowing style,--after which he picks himself up, and, going
back to his hotel, dies without so much as recognizing his old friends
and congratulating them upon their prosperity. Now the way in which the
play should have ended, had the dramatist wished to convince us that
"ENOCH" was a reasonable being, would have been somewhat as follows:--

ENOCH (looking through the window).--"Well, here's a go. My wife has
actually married PHILIP. They look pretty comfortable, too. PHILIP is
evidently rich. Here's luck for me at last. I've got him where I can
strike him pretty heavily." _[He enters the house,]_

PHILIP AND HIS WIFE.--"ENOCH! Can it be possible? Why, we thought you
were entirely dead, and so we married. Well! well! This is a healthy
state of things."

ENOCH (sternly).--"Mr. PHILIP RAY. You have had the impertinence to
marry my wife. Sir! I consider that you have taken an unjustifiable
liberty. Have you anything to say for yourself before I proceed to shoot
you? I might mention that I once had a third cousin whose aunt by
marriage was slightly insane, so you see that I can kill you with a calm
certainty that the jury will acquit me, on the ground of my hereditary
insanity."

PHILIP.--"Take a drink, old boy. We'll be reasonable about this matter.
Don't attempt murder,--it's no longer respectable since MCFARLAND went
into the business. Why can't we compromise this affair?"

ENOCH.--"It will cost you something. There are my lacerated feelings,
which can't be repaired without a good deal of expense. Still I will do
the fair thing by you. Give me fifty thousand dollars and I'll leave the
country and say nothing more about it. You can keep my wife, if you want
her. I'm sure _I_ don't."

PHILIP.--"But I've been to a good deal of expense about her. Her clothes
have cost me no end of money, and there are all our new children
besides. Children, let me tell you, are a great deal more expensive now
than they were in your day. Now, I'll give you twenty thousand dollars,
and your wife, and we'll call it square."

ENOCH.--"No, sir. I