tter enable him to understand it.

_Ninth._ A strict blockade of the port should be maintained, to prevent
the ingress of bad characters from abroad, and especially from the now
Radical State of New Jersey, with which ferry-boat communication should
be immediately cut off.

_Tenth._ A Reformatory School in which the Dangerous Classes might
(except during recitations) be kept under restraint would be a great
public benefit. The study of metaphysics should be prohibited at such an
institution. Burglars especially should not be allowed to Open Locke on
the Human Understanding.

* * * * *

The Worst Kind of "Paris Green."

It is stated by observant _flaneurs_ that much _absinthe_ is consumed by
ladies who frequent fashionable up-town restaurants. One lovely blonde
has grown so _absinthe_-minded from the habit, that she regularly leaves
the restaurant without paying for her luncheon.

* * * * *

Quarrelsome in their Cups.

Should the European Powers get into a fight over the Sublime Porte, what
a strong argument it would be in favor of temperance!

* * * * *

[Illustration: ABOUT A FOOT.

_Mr. Bunyan (whose corns have just been subjected to severe pressure)._
"YOU OLD BEGGAR, YOU!"

_Mr. Lightfoot (who is a little hard of hearing)._ "NO APOLOGY
NECESSARY, I ASSURE YOU, SIR; MATTER OF NO CONSEQUENCE WHATEVER; PRAY
DON'T MENTION IT."]

* * * * *

MR. BEZZLE'S DREAM.

MR. BEZZLE was the editor and proprietor of a large and influential
newspaper that sold two for a cent, and had special correspondents in
every corner of the office. By honest industry and a generous disregard
of what went into the newspaper, so that it paid, he had raised himself
to the highest rung of fortune's ladder, and we all know what tall
ringing _that_ is. He used to say that to accept one kind of
advertisement and to reject another, was an injustice to the public and
an outrage upon society, and that strict integrity required that he
should accept, at as much as he could get a line, every advertisement
sent for insertion. It would have done you good to have witnessed Mr.
BEZZLE'S integrity in this respect, and the noble spirit of
self-sacrifice with which he resolved that none of the public should be
slighted. He used to laugh to scorn the transcendental notion about the
editorial columns not being purchased, "If