. After a few moments of calm, thinking I should take him by
surprise, I extended my hand, but I drew back terrified, for I fancied
that I had recognized in him a man, and a degraded man, contemptible less
on account of his degradation than for the want of feeling I thought I
could read on his countenance. Disgusted, confused, and almost blushing
for myself, I sent him away.
His sisters came to my room, but I dismissed them, sending word to their
brother that he might go with me, without any fear of further
indiscretion on my part. Yet, in spite of the conviction I thought I had
acquired, Bellino, even such as I believe him to be, filled my thoughts;
I could not make it out.
Early the next morning I left Ancona with him, distracted by the tears of
the two charming sisters and loaded with the blessings of the mother who,
with beads in hand, mumbled her 'paternoster', and repeated her constant
theme: 'Dio provedera'.
The trust placed in Providence by most of those persons who earn their
living by some profession forbidden by religion is neither absurd, nor
false, nor deceitful; it is real and even godly, for it flows from an
excellent source. Whatever may be the ways of Providence, human beings
must always acknowledge it in its action, and those who call upon
Providence independently of all external consideration must, at the
bottom, be worthy, although guilty of transgressing its laws.
'Pulchra Laverna,
Da mihi fallere; da justo sanctoque videri;
Noctem peccatis, et fraudibus objice nubem.'
Such was the way in which, in the days of Horace, robbers addressed their
goddess, and I recollect a Jesuit who told me once that Horace would not
have known his own language, if he had said justo sanctoque: but there
were ignorant men even amongst the Jesuits, and robbers most likely have
but little respect for the rules of grammar.
The next morning I started with Bellino, who, believing me to be
undeceived, could suppose that I would not shew any more curiosity about
him, but we had not been a quarter of an hour together when he found out
his mistake, for I could not let my looks fall upon his splendid eyes
without feeling in me a fire which the sight of a man could not have
ignited. I told him that all his features were those of a woman, and that
I wanted the testimony of my eyes before I could feel perfectly
satisfied, because the protuberance I had felt in a certain place might
be only a freak of natu
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