ification. In fact she had given peace to my heart, but my mind was
still uneasy. I knew that there was a young Count d'Al---- belonging to a
noble family, but almost penniless. All he had was the minister's
patronage, and the prospect of good State employments. The notion that
Heaven meant me to remedy the deficiencies in his fortune made me fall
into a sweet reverie, and at last I found myself deciding that my maid
who put it all down as a jest had more wit than I. I blamed myself for my
scrupulous behaviour, which seemed no better than prudery. My love was
stronger than I thought, and this is my best excuse, besides I had no one
to guide or counsel me.
"But after sunshine comes shadow. My soul was like the ebb and tide of
the sea, now in the heights and now in the depths. The resolve, which the
count seemed to have taken, to see me no more, either shewed him to be a
man of little enterprise or little love, and this supposition humiliated
me. 'If,' I said to myself, 'the count is offended with me for calling
him a madman, he can have no delicacy and no discretion; he is unworthy
of my love.'
"I was in this dreadful state of uncertainty when my maid took upon
herself to write to the count that he could come and see me under the
same disguise. He followed her advice, and one fine morning the crafty
maid came into my chamber laughing, and told me that the lace-seller was
in the next room. I was moved exceedingly, but restraining myself I began
to laugh also, though the affair was no laughing matter for me.
"'Shall I shew her in? said the maid.
"'Are you crazy?
"Shall I send her away?
"'No, I will go and speak to him myself.'
"This day was a memorable one. My maid left the room now and again, and
we had plenty of time to disclose our feelings to one another. I frankly
confessed that I loved him, but added that it were best that I should
forget him, as it was not likely that my relations would consent to our
marriage. In his turn he told me that the minister having resolved to
send him to England, he would die of despair unless he carried with him
the hope of one day possessing me, for he said he loved me too well to
live without me. He begged me to allow him to come and see me under the
same disguise, and though I could not refuse him anything I said that we
might be discovered.
"'It is enough for me,' he replied, tenderly, 'that you will incur no
danger, my visits will be set down to the account of your
|