ut surprise. I was
stupid with happiness and the constraint in which I held myself. I did
not analyze my feelings, but, though I knew it not, there can be no doubt
that my insuperable objection to the marriage tie was working within my
soul. A long silence followed; and last, recovering my powers of speech,
I succeeded, with an effort, in speaking to them of my gratitude, my
happiness, my love, and I ended by saying that, in spite of my affection
for Esther, I must, before settling in Holland, return to Paris, and
discharge the confidential and responsible duty which the Government had
placed in my hands. I would then return to Amsterdam perfectly
independent.

This long peroration won their approval. Esther was quite pleased, and we
spent the rest of the day in good spirits. Next day M. d'O---gave a
splendid dinner to several of his friends, who congratulated him on his
good fortune, being persuaded that his courageous action was to be
explained by his having had secret information of the safety of the
vessel, though none of them could see from what source he, and he only,
had obtained it.

A week after this lucky event he gave me an ultimatum on the matter of
the twenty millions, in which he guaranteed that France should not lose
more than nine per cent. in the transaction.

I immediately sent a copy of his proposal to M. d'Afri, begging him to be
as prompt as possible, and another copy to the comptroller-general, with
a letter in which I warned him that the thing would certainly fall
through if he delayed a single day in sending full powers to M. d'Afri to
give me the necessary authority to act.

I wrote to the same effect to M. de Courteil and the Duc de Choiseul,
telling them that I was to receive no brokerage; but that I should all
the same accept a proposal which I thought a profitable one, and saying
that I had no doubt of obtaining my expenses from the French Government.

As it was a time of rejoicing with us, M. d'O---- thought it would be a
good plan to give a ball. All the most distinguished people in Amsterdam
were invited to it. The ball and supper were of the most splendid
description, and Esther, who was a blaze of diamonds, danced all the
quadrilles with me, and charmed every beholder by her grace and beauty.

I spent all my time with Esther, and every day we grew more and more in
love, and more unhappy, for we were tormented by abstinence, which
irritated while it increased our desires.

Esther