e in a Convent

The difficulties I encountered only served to increase my love for my
charming Englishwoman. I went to see her every morning, and as my
interest in her condition was genuine, she could have no suspicion that I
was acting a part, or attribute my care of her to anything but the most
delicate feelings. For her part she seemed well pleased in the alteration
of my behaviour, though her satisfaction may very probably have been
assumed. I understood women well enough to know that though she did not
love me she was probably annoyed at seeing my new character sit upon me
so easily.

One morning in the midst of an unimportant and disconnected conversation,
she complimented me upon my strength of mind in subduing my passion,
adding, with a smile, that my desire could not have pricked me very
sharply, seeing that I had cured myself so well in the course of a week.
I quietly replied that I owed my cure not to the weakness of my passion
but to my self-respect.

"I know my own character," I said, "and without undue presumption, I
think I may say that I am worthy of a woman's love. Naturally, after your
convincing me that you think differently, I feel humiliated and
indignant. Do you know what effect such feelings have on the heart?"

"Alas!" said she, "I know too well. Their effect is to inspire one with
contempt for her who gave rise to them."

"That is going too far, at least in my case. My indignation was merely
succeeded by a renewed confidence in myself, and a determination to be
revenged."

"To be revenged! In what way?"

"I wish to compel you to esteem me, by proving to you that I am lord of
myself, and can pass by with indifference what I once so ardently
desired. I do not know whether I have succeeded yet, but I may say that I
can now contemplate your charms without desiring to possess them."

"You are making a mistake, for I never ceased to esteem you, and I
esteemed you as much a week ago as I do to-day. Nor for a moment I did
think you capable of leaving me to my fate as a punishment for having
refused to give way to your transports, and I am glad that I read your
character rightly."

We went on to speak of the opiate I made her take, and as she saw no
change in her condition she wanted me to increase the dose--a request I
took care not to grant, as I knew that more than half a drachm might kill
her. I also forbade her to bleed herself again, as she might do herself a
serious injury without gaini