hat I've spent since I was twenty.
Could that be arranged?"

"Easily," they said.

"Good," he replied. "Then tell me what I've spent on my bally old
stomach--on food."

"On food," they replied. "We find that you have spent on yourself an
average of a pound a day for food. For five years that is, roughly,
L1825."

"Roughly?" said the Nut.

"Yes. Counting one leap year, it would be L1826. But then you have
entertained with some freedom, bringing the total to L3075."

"Yes," said the Nut. "And what about drinks?"

"We find," was the reply, "that on drinks your average has been eighteen
shillings a day, or L1643 8s. 0d. in all."

"Good heavens!" said the Nut. "What a noble thirst! And clothes?"

"The item of clothes comes to L940," they said.

"Only three figures!" said the Nut. "How did I come to save that odd
L60, I wonder?"

"Not by any idea of economy," they replied. "Merely a want of time."

"And let's see," said the Nut, "what else does one spend money on? Oh,
yes, taxis. How much for taxis?"

"Your taxis," they said, "work out at seven shillings a day, or L639 2s.
0d."

"And tips?" the Nut inquired.

"Tips," they said, "come to L456."

The Nut lay back exhausted and oxygen was administered. He was very near
the end.

"One thing more," he managed to ask. "What have I paid in cloak-room
fees for my hat and stick?"

"Only L150," they said.

But it was enough: he fell back dead.

* * * * *

"An extremely able statement of the case for Federation is made
up in a little book by Mr. Murray Macdonald and Lord Charnwood,
which is just published (T. Fisher Unwin, 22s. 6d.)"--_Daily
News._

Look out for a really big book by the same authors, at L22.

* * * * *

We have long waited for a good definition of "tact," and here it is in
_The Transvaal Leader_:--

"The police handled the large crowds who assembled at the
station with considerable tact. One obstreperous fellow who
appeared to be the worse for liquor got the butt-end of a rifle
in his jaw after grossly insulting a constable, and he was then
chased off by the crowd, who appeared to appreciate the tact of
the police."

* * * * *

A chance for Mr. LLOYD GEORGE:--The Deforestation
of Bootle.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Instructor._ "Now then, none of that hupside down fly