hat we wanted
nothing but a fire to dress our dinner, and a room in which we might eat
it. In neither of these had we any reason to apprehend a disappointment,
our dinner consisting only of beans and bacon; and the worst apartment
in his majesty's dominions, either at home or abroad, being fully
sufficient to answer our present ideas of delicacy.

Unluckily, however, we were disappointed in both; for when we arrived
about four at our inn, exulting in the hopes of immediately seeing our
beans smoking on the table, we had the mortification of seeing them on
the table indeed, but without that circumstance which would have made
the sight agreeable, being in the same state in which we had dispatched
them from our ship. In excuse for this delay, though we had exceeded,
almost purposely, the time appointed, and our provision had arrived
three hours before, the mistress of the house acquainted us that it was
not for want of time to dress them that they were not ready, but for
fear of their being cold or over-done before we should come; which she
assured us was much worse than waiting a few minutes for our dinner; an
observation so very just, that it is impossible to find any objection
in it; but, indeed, it was not altogether so proper at this time, for we
had given the most absolute orders to have them ready at four, and
had been ourselves, not without much care and difficulty, most
exactly punctual in keeping to the very minute of our appointment.
But tradesmen, inn-keepers, and servants, never care to indulge us in
matters contrary to our true interest, which they always know better
than ourselves; nor can any bribes corrupt them to go out of their way
while they are consulting our good in our own despite.

Our disappointment in the other particular, in defiance of our humility,
as it was more extraordinary, was more provoking. In short, Mrs.
Francis (for that was the name of the good woman of the house) no sooner
received the news of our intended arrival than she considered more the
gentility than the humanity of her guests, and applied herself not to
that which kindles but to that which extinguishes fire, and, forgetting
to put on her pot, fell to washing her house.

As the messenger who had brought my venison was impatient to be
dispatched, I ordered it to be brought and laid on the table in the room
where I was seated; and the table not being large enough, one side, and
that a very bloody one, was laid on the brick flo