olitics.
There is a great deal of difference between meanness and politics. One
is lowdown and contemptible and nasty, and the other is expedient. See?
Why, some of the most generous men in the world are politicians. Time
and again I've seen Andy Hoople, the big politician of our town, pay a
man's fare to Chicago so that he could go up there and rest during the
last week of a political campaign and not bother himself and get all
worried over the way things were going--and the man would be on the
other side too.

Anyway, to--wait a minute; I'm going to hook over some French now. Look
out, low bridge--to rendezvous to our muttons--how's that? In a good
many ways there are worse jobs than that of persuading a pretty girl to
vote the right way. Sometimes I liked the job so well that I was sorry
when election came. But, on the whole, it was hard, hard work. We tried
arguments and exhortation and politics, and you might as well have shot
cheese balls at the moon. Never touched 'em. I talked straight logic to
a girl for an hour once, showing her conclusively that it was her duty
as a patriotic Siwash student to vote for a man who could give a strong
mind and a lot of money to the debating cause; and then she remarked
quite placidly that she would always vote for the other man for whatever
office he wanted, because he wore his dress suit with such an air. I had
to take her clear downtown and buy her ice cream and things before she
could understand the gravity of the case at all--

No, indeed, Miss Allstairs, I didn't bribe her. You must be very careful
about charging people with bribery. Bribery is a very serious offense.
It's so serious that nowadays it's a very grave thing to charge a
politician with it. I think it will be made a crime soon. I bought ice
cream for this girl because she could understand things better while she
was eating ice cream. It made her think better. Of course, you can't do
that with a man in real politics. You have to give him an office or a
contract or something in order to get his mind into a cheerful
condition. You can argue so much better with a man when he is cheerful.
No, indeed. I wouldn't bribe a fly. Nobody would. There isn't any
bribing any more anyway. Illinois has taught the world that.

But that was the least of our troubles. After you had persuaded a girl
to vote right you had to keep her persuaded. Now most any man might be
able to keep one vote in line, but that wasn't enough. Some of