velopment of the German Language have sent a
petition to the CHANCELLOR, asking that in any future Peace negotiations
the German language should be used. Will German frightfulness never cease?

***

"Anybody in the Carmarthen district," says the local medical officer, "can
keep a pig in the parlour if they keep it clean." The necessity of keeping
the parlour clean for the sake of its guest will be easily understood by
those who appreciate the fastidious taste of the pig.

***

A Hungarian paper complains that the Government treats the War as if it
were merely a family affair. This contrasts unfavourably with the more
broadly hospitable attitude of the Allies, who have made it abundantly
clear that so far as they are concerned anyone is welcome to join in and
help their side.

***

The other day a Farnham bellringer, after cycling seventy miles, rang a
peal of 5,940 changes. It is not known why.

***

"War diet," says Professor ROSIN in the _Lokal Anzeiger_, "improves the
action of the heart." But what the Germans really want to know is, what
improves a war diet?

***

Among the goods stolen from a Crouch Hill provision merchant's the other
day were eight cheeses and ten hams. As the place was much littered it is
thought that the cheeses put up a plucky fight.

***

It is pointed out by experienced agriculturists that it is useless to plant
potatoes unless steps are taken to destroy the insect pests. A Peterborough
farmer has written a poem in _The Daily Express_ against those pests, but
we fancy that if a permanent improvement is to be effected it will be
necessary to adopt much sterner measures than this.

***

The recent vagaries of the Weather Controller are said to be due to one of
the new railway regulations, by which you are required to "Show all
seasons, please."

***

Even Nature seems upset by the War. According to _The Evening Standard_
primroses are blooming in a Harrow garden, while only the other day a pair
of white spats were to be seen in the Strand.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Anxious Mother._ "NEVER MIND ABOUT YOUR BROTHER, MAUD. 'OLD
THE UMBRELLER OVER THE SUGAR!"]

* * * * *

Another Glimpse of the Obvious.

From the "Standing Orders" of a Military Hospital:--

"Officers confined to their beds will have their meals in their rooms."

* *