igar. My inclination was to take it
from my mouth and see how far I could throw it. Conscience, on the other
hand, urged me to persevere. It occurred to me that if climbing on to
the wall I could walk along it from end to end, there would be no excuse
for my not heeding the counsels of perfection. If, on the contrary, try
as I might, the wall proved not wide enough for my footsteps, then I
should be entitled to lose the beastly thing, and, as best I could,
make my way home to bed. I attained the wall with some difficulty and
commenced my self-inflicted ordeal. Two yards further I found
myself lying across the wall, my legs hanging down one side, my head
overhanging the other. The position proving suitable to my requirements,
I maintained it. Inclination, again seizing its opportunity, urged me
then and there to take a solemn vow never to smoke again. I am proud
to write that through that hour of temptation I remained firm;
strengthening myself by whispering to myself: "Never despair. What
others can do, so can you. Is not all victory won through suffering?"

A liking for drink I had found, if possible, even yet more difficult of
achievement. Spirits I almost despaired of. Once, confusing bottles, I
drank some hair oil in mistake for whiskey, and found it decidedly less
nauseous. But twice a week I would force myself to swallow a glass of
beer, standing over myself insisting on my draining it to the bitter
dregs. As reward afterwards, to take the taste out of my mouth, I
would treat myself to chocolates; at the same time comforting myself
by assuring myself that it was for my good, that there would come a day
when I should really like it, and be grateful to myself for having been
severe with myself.

In other and more sensible directions I sought also to progress.
Gradually I was overcoming my shyness. It was a slow process. I found
the best plan was not to mind being shy, to accept it as part of my
temperament, and with others laugh at it. The coldness of an indifferent
world is of service in hardening a too sensitive skin. The gradual
rubbings of existence were rounding off my many corners. I became
possible to my fellow creatures, and they to me. I began to take
pleasure in their company.

By directing me to this particular house in Nelson Square, Fate had
done to me a kindness. I flatter myself we were an interesting menagerie
gathered together under its leaky roof. Mrs. Peedles, our landlady, who
slept in the bas