lways went off like that at exactly three-quarters to the half-hour
every evening, Sundays and holidays excepted; that she had taken
everything possible for it without effect, and that what he himself
advised was that she should have it off.

The fat girl, seizing the chance afforded her, remarked genteelly that
she too had "heard hof me," with emphasis upon the "hof." She also
remarked it was a long walk from Blackfriars Bridge.

"All depends upon the company, eh? Bet they didn't find it too long."

This came from a loud-voiced, red-faced man sitting on the sofa beside a
somewhat melancholy-looking female dressed in bright green. These twain
I discovered to be Uncle and Aunt Gutton. From an observation dropped
later in the evening concerning government restrictions on the sale of
methylated spirit, and hastily smothered, I gathered that their line was
oil and colour.

Mr. Gutton's forte appeared to be badinage. He it was who, on my
explaining my heightened colour as due to the closeness of the evening,
congratulated his niece on having secured so warm a partner.

"Will be jolly handy," shouted Uncle Gutton, "for Rosina, seeing she's
always complaining of her cold feet."

Here the lank young man attempted to squeeze himself into the room, but
found his entrance barred by the square, squat figure of the watery-eyed
young man.

"Don't push," advised the watery-eyed young man. "Walk over me quietly."

"Well, why don't yer get out of the way," growled the lank young man,
now coated, but still aggressive.

"Where am I to get to?" asked the watery-eyed young man, with some
reason. "Say the word and I'll 'ang myself up to the gas bracket."

"In my courting days," roared Uncle Gutton, "the girls used to be able
to find seats, even if there wasn't enough chairs to go all round."

The sentiment was received with varying degrees of approbation. The
watery-eyed young man, sitting down, put the lean young lady on his
knee, and in spite of her struggles and sounding slaps, heroically
retained her there.

"Now, then, Rosie," shouted Uncle Gutton, who appeared to have
constituted himself master of the ceremonies, "don't stand about, my
girl; you'll get tired."

Left to herself, I am inclined to think my _fiancee_ would have spared
me; but Uncle Gutton, having been invited to a love comedy, was not
to be cheated of any part of the performance, and the audience clearly
being with him, there was nothing for it but complianc