hen I awoke in the morning the first thing I thought of was the
mysterious sin, and a voice within me seemed to say, "Commit it"; and I
felt a strong temptation to do so, even stronger than in the night. I
was just about to yield, when the same dread, of which I have already
spoken, came over me, and, springing out of bed, I went down on my knees.
I slept in a small room alone, to which I ascended by a wooden stair,
open to the sky. I have often thought since that it is not a good thing
for children to sleep alone.

'After breakfast I went to school, and endeavoured to employ myself upon
my tasks, but all in vain; I could think of nothing but the sin against
the Holy Ghost; my eyes, instead of being fixed upon my book, wandered in
vacancy. My master observed my inattention, and chid me. The time came
for saying my task, and I had not acquired it. My master reproached me,
and, yet more, he beat me; I felt shame and anger, and I went home with a
full determination to commit the sin against the Holy Ghost.

'But when I got home my father ordered me to do something connected with
the farm, so that I was compelled to exert myself; I was occupied till
night, and was so busy that I almost forgot the sin and my late
resolution. My work completed, I took my supper, and went to my room; I
began my prayers, and, when they were ended, I thought of the sin, but
the temptation was slight, I felt very tired, and was presently asleep.

'Thus, you see, I had plenty of time allotted me by a gracious and kind
God to reflect on what I was about to do. He did not permit the enemy of
souls to take me by surprise, and to hurry me at once into the commission
of that which was to be my ruin here and hereafter. Whatever I did was
of my own free will, after I had had time to reflect. Thus God is
justified; He had no hand in my destruction, but, on the contrary, He did
all that was compatible with justice to prevent it. I hasten to the
fatal moment. Awaking in the night, I determined that nothing should
prevent my committing the sin. Arising from my bed, I went out upon the
wooden gallery; and having stood for a few moments looking at the stars,
with which the heavens were thickly strewn, I laid myself down, and
supporting my face with my hand, I murmured out words of horror, words
not to be repeated, and in this manner I committed the sin against the
Holy Ghost.

'When the words were uttered I sat up upon the topmost step of the
ga