be nothing. If you and he were satisfied,
of course it would be nothing. If you were satisfied, there would be
an end to it; because if your pleasure and his work together, I must
necessarily be left out in the cold. But it is not so. I take upon
myself to say that you are not satisfied."
"You will not allow me to answer for myself?"
"No, not in this matter. Will you dare to tell me that you do not
love me?" She remained silent before him, and then he went on to
reason with her. "You do not deny it. I hear it in your voice and
see it in your face. When we parted in Norwich, did you not love me
then?"
"I shall answer no such question. A young woman has often to change
her mind as to whom she loves, before she can settle down as one
man's wife or another's."
"You do not dare to be true. If I am rough with you, it is for your
sake as well as my own. We are young, and, as was natural, we learnt
to love each other. Then you came here and were alone in the world,
and I was gone. Though there had been no word of marriage between us,
I had hoped that I might be remembered in my absence. Perhaps you did
remember me. I cannot think that I was ever absent from your heart;
but I was away, and you could not know how loyal I was to my thoughts
of you. I am not blaming you, Mary. I can well understand that you
were eating his bread and drinking his cup, and that it appeared to
you that everything was due to him. You could not have gone on eating
his bread unless you had surrendered yourself to his wishes. You must
have gone from this, and have had no home to which to go. It is all
true. But the pity of it, Mary; the pity of it!"
"He has done the best he could by me."
"Perhaps so; but if done from that reason, the surrender will be the
easier."
"No, no, no; I know more of him than you do. No such surrender will
come easy to him. He has set his heart upon this thing, and as far as
I am concerned he shall have it."
"You will go to him with a lie in your mouth?"
"I do not know. I cannot say what the words may be. If there be a
lie, I will tell it."
"Then you do love me still?"
"You may cheat me out of my thoughts, but it will be to no good.
Whether I lie or tell the truth, I will do my duty by him. There
will be no lying. To the best of my ability I will love him, and
him only. All my care shall be for him. I have resolved, and I will
force myself to love him. All his qualities are good. There is not a
thought i
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