e continued in
a whole family, the little children finding quite a solace of their
pain in the Daily Prayer, it is impossible not to feel more at ease
in our Church, as at least a sort of Zoar, a place of refuge and
temporary rest, because of the steepness of the way. Only, may we be
kept from unlawful security, lest we have Moab and Ammon for our
progeny, the enemies of Israel."

I could not continue in this state, either in the light of duty or of
reason. My difficulty was this: I had been deceived greatly once; how
could I be sure that I was not deceived a second time? I then thought
myself right; how was I to be certain that I was right now? How many
years had I thought myself sure of what I now rejected? how could I
ever again have confidence in myself? As in 1840 I listened to the
rising doubt in favour of Rome, now I listened to the waning doubt
in favour of the English Church. To be certain is to know that one
knows; what test had I, that I should not change again, after that I
had become a Catholic? I had still apprehension of this, though I
thought a time would come, when it would depart. However, some limit
ought to be put to these vague misgivings; I must do my best and then
leave it to a higher power to prosper it. So, I determined to write
an essay on Doctrinal Development; and then, if, at the end of it, my
convictions in favour of the Roman Church were not weaker, to make up
my mind to seek admission into her fold. I acted upon this resolution
in the beginning of 1845, and worked at my Essay steadily into the
autumn.

I told my resolution to various friends at the beginning of the year;
indeed, it was at that time known generally. I wrote to a friend
thus:--

"My intention is, if nothing comes upon me, which I cannot foresee,
to remain quietly _in statu quo_ for a considerable time, trusting
that my friends will kindly remember me and my trial in their
prayers. And I should give up my fellowship some time before anything
further took place."

One very dear friend, now no more, Charles Marriott, sent me a letter
at the beginning of the next year, from which, from love of him, I
quote some sentences:--

"January 15, 1845. You know me well enough to be aware, that I never
see through anything at first. Your letter to B. casts a gloom over
the future, which you can understand, if you have understood me, as I
believe you have. But I may speak out at once, of what I see and
feel at once, and doubt not