s Christus te absolvat; et ego auctoritate ipsius te
absolvo, ab omni vinculo excommunicationis et interdicti, in quantum
possum et tu indiges. Deinde ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis, in
nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti. Amen."

Part V

History of My Religious Opinions--1839-1841

And now that I am about to trace, as far as I can, the course of that
great revolution of mind, which led me to leave my own home, to which
I was bound by so many strong and tender ties, I feel overcome with
the difficulty of satisfying myself in my account of it, and have
recoiled from doing so, till the near approach of the day, on which
these lines must be given to the world, forces me to set about
the task. For who can know himself, and the multitude of subtle
influences which act upon him? and who can recollect, at the distance
of twenty-five years, all that he once knew about his thoughts and
his deeds, and that, during a portion of his life, when even at the
time his observation, whether of himself or of the external world,
was less than before or after, by very reason of the perplexity and
dismay which weighed upon him,--when, though it would be most
unthankful to seem to imply that he had not all-sufficient light amid
his darkness, yet a darkness it emphatically was? And who can gird
himself suddenly to a new and anxious undertaking, which he might be
able indeed to perform well, had he full and calm leisure to look
through everything that he has written, whether in published works
or private letters? but, on the other hand, as to that calm
contemplation of the past, in itself so desirable, who can afford to
be leisurely and deliberate, while he practises on himself a cruel
operation, the ripping up of old griefs, and the venturing again upon
the "infandum dolorem" of years, in which the stars of this lower
heaven were one by one going out? I could not in cool blood, nor
except upon the imperious call of duty, attempt what I have set
myself to do. It is both to head and heart an extreme trial, thus to
analyse what has so long gone by, and to bring out the results of
that examination. I have done various bold things in my life: this is
the boldest: and, were I not sure I should after all succeed in my
object, it would be madness to set about it.

In the spring of 1839 my position in the Anglican Church was at its
height. I had supreme confidence in my controversial _status_, and I
had a great and still growing succ