obliging" for the afternoon in the absence of all other
domestic help_). "WELL, I'M OFF NOW. GOOD NIGHT, ALL."]

* * * * *

A CONFESSION.

TO THE RESIDENTS OF CHISWICK MALL.

There is a race of gentle folk
Who dwell in Chiswick, well content
In houses aged as the oak,
But not unpleasing at the rent;
They look across the sunny stream
As Dr. JOHNSON used to look,
And all their lives are one long dream,
Though _none_ of them has got a cook,
And there are whispers in the camp,
"It's jolly, but it _is_ so damp."

But they are _not_ exciting. No;
And you would find that Chiswick Mall
At half-past nine at night or so
Is far from being Bacchanal;
For, though there come from Chiswick Eyot
Soft sounds of something going on
Where the wild herons congregate
And revel madly with the swan,
You might suppose the people dead.
You mustn't; they have gone to bed.

No extra forces of police
Were needed here at Armistice;
No little European Peace
Could tamper with a peace like this.
Yet on the Eve of this New Year
A strange degrading thing occurred;
A startled Chiswick woke to hear
Such noise as she has never heard,
The sound of dance and singing at
About eleven. O my hat!

Yes, it was bad. But what is worse
They know not yet who broke the code,
And the dread Chiswick Fathers' curse
Still hovers sadly, unbestowed
Nay, there are wild false tales about
And hideous accusations made;
Men say old Piper led the rout
With that young fellow from "The Glade,"
While old maids murmur with a tear,
"I'm told it was the Rector, dear."

And since I would not see this shame
Be fastened on to guiltless men,
And hear that there are those who blame
The Editor at Number 10,
As having found the evil ones
And harboured them in his abode
And, after stimulants and buns,
Dragooned them, shouting, down the road
And carried on till two or three--
I say, O spare him; _it was ME!_

A.P.H.

* * * * *

"Lord Robert Cecil, who has been appointed to take charge of
League of Notions questions at the peace conference."--_Provincial
Paper_.

We don't like this cynicism.

* * * * *

"There is a 'suave qui peut' at the underground stations during
the busiest hours."--_Provincial Paper_.