ETE; do!
I'll have a job for you and CAESAR soon:
It's only waiting for a change of moon.

CLEM, how'd you like a chance to wait on table?
Or, would you rather drive, and run my stable?
GEORGE, in the kitchen there's a pan of souse!
Going? All gone? Now, BRIDGET, air the house!

* * * * *

Historic Parallel.

THE JACK CADE movement came near destroying London. The Ar-Cade movement
threatens to destroy Broadway.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A CHEAP LUXURY.

SNIFFLES LOVES THE SMELL OF ROASTED CHESTNUTS, AND ENJOYS IT FOR HOURS
EVERY DAY; BUT HE NEVER EATS ANY--WHICH ACCOUNTS FOR THE JOYOUS EXPRESSION
ON THE FACE OF THE VENDER.]

* * * * *

BUSINESS.

A CHICAGO LAY.

I saw her sweet lip quiver,
As he started for the store.
Because he hadn't kissed her
"Several" times or more.

She cried "This horrid business!"
And then flew to her glass;
"Oh! why his cold remissness?
Have I grown plain, alas?"

But no, that truthful article
Revealed her charms intact,
She hadn't lost one particle,
But had improved, in fact.

At nine the case was opened,
At ten the case was o'er;
The jury brought their virdict--
She was his wife no more.

That night the husband started,
And--"_you_ bet"--he swore,
To find his wife departed,
And "_To Let_" on the door.

Next day he moved and married.
And, that his bride might stay,
He kissed her every morning
Before he went away.

* * * * *

Pot-umania.

A correspondent writes that a new mania has sprung up among the ladies
of Edinburgh--a fancy for learning to cook. There is a much older mania
in some parts of that country--a fancy for something to cook.

* * * * *

About a Foot.

A BOOT when it's on.

* * * * *

IMPORTANT TO PUBLISHERS.

One of our corps of Philosophers (a trifle visionary, perhaps) has been
speculating as to certain possible (or, perhaps, impossible) results
flowing from the practice among publishers of ante-dating their monthly
issues. Thus, supposing that the world should be destroyed by fire (and
why not? it is bad enough) on the 15th of May, 1870, and a cover