course of consumption. Your readers will be
surprised to hear that Professor Woodensconce has abstained from cheese
for eight years, although he takes butter in considerable quantities.
Professor Grime having lost several teeth, is unable, I observe, to eat
his crusts without previously soaking them in his bottled porter. How
interesting are these peculiarities!'

'_Half-past eleven_.

'Professors Woodensconce and Grime, with a degree of good humour that
delights us all, have just arranged to toss for a bottle of mulled port.
There has been some discussion whether the payment should be decided by
the first toss or the best out of three. Eventually the latter course
has been determined on. Deeply do I wish that both gentlemen could win;
but that being impossible, I own that my personal aspirations (I speak as
an individual, and do not compromise either you or your readers by this
expression of feeling) are with Professor Woodensconce. I have backed
that gentleman to the amount of eighteenpence.'

'_Twenty minutes to twelve_.

'Professor Grime has inadvertently tossed his half-crown out of one of
the cabin-windows, and it has been arranged that the steward shall toss
for him. Bets are offered on any side to any amount, but there are no
takers.

'Professor Woodensconce has just called "woman;" but the coin having
lodged in a beam, is a long time coming down again. The interest and
suspense of this one moment are beyond anything that can be imagined.'

'_Twelve o'clock_.

'The mulled port is smoking on the table before me, and Professor Grime
has won. Tossing is a game of chance; but on every ground, whether of
public or private character, intellectual endowments, or scientific
attainments, I cannot help expressing my opinion that Professor
Woodensconce _ought_ to have come off victorious. There is an exultation
about Professor Grime incompatible, I fear, with true greatness.'

'_A quarter past twelve_.

'Professor Grime continues to exult, and to boast of his victory in no
very measured terms, observing that he always does win, and that he knew
it would be a "head" beforehand, with many other remarks of a similar
nature. Surely this gentleman is not so lost to every feeling of decency
and propriety as no