.

"Not me, anyway," number three replies.

"You don't say I did, do you?" says number one.

"Gentlemen!--gentlemen!--"

"Mr. Bulkley, you see how it is; there's Johnson--"

"Yes, Mr. Bulkley," says Johnson, "and there's old Winkles, too, and
here's Deacon Potter, also."

"I _am_ here," stiffly replied the deacon, "and I am sorry the Reverend
Mr. Bulkley finds me in such company, sir!"

"Now, gentlemen, _brothers_, if you please," said Mr. Bulkley, "this is
ridiculous,--"

"So I say," murmured Mr. Winkles.

"As far as _you_ are concerned, it is ridiculous," said the deacon.

This brought Mr. Winkles _up_, standing.

"Sir!" he shouted, "sir!"

"But my dear _sirs_--" beseechingly said the philosopher.

"Sir!" continued Winkles, "sir! I am too old a man--too good a
Christian, Mr. Bulkley, to allow a man, a mean, despicable _toad_, like
Deacon Potter--"

"Do you call me--_me_ a despicable _toad_?" menacingly cried the deacon.

"Brethren," said Mr. Bulkley, "if I am to counsel you in your
difference, I must have no more of this unchristian-like bickering."

"I do not wish to bicker, sir," said Johnson.

"Nor I don't want to, sir," said the deacon, "but when a man calls me a
toad, a mean, despicable _toad_--"

"Well, well, never mind," said Mr. Bulkley; "you are all too excited
now; go home again, and wait patiently; on Saturday evening next, I will
have prepared and sent to you a written opinion of your case, with a
full and free avowal of most wholesome advice for preserving your church
from desolation and yourselves from despair." And the committee left, to
await his issue.

Now it chanced that Mr. Bulkley had a small farm, some distance from the
town of Colchester, and found it necessary, the same day he wrote his
opinion and advice to the brethren of the disaffected church, to drop a
line to his farmer regarding the fixtures of said estate. Having written
a long, and of course, elaborate "essay" to his brethren, he wound up
the day's literary exertions with a despatch to the farmer, and after a
reverie to himself, he directs the two documents, and next morning
despatches them to their several destinations.

On Saturday evening a full and anxious synod of the belligerent
churchmen took place in their tabernacle, and punctually, as promised,
came the despatch from the Plato of the time and place,--Rev. John
Bulkley. All was quiet and respectful attention. The moderator took up
the document, broke