And the widest waist, remember, takes the prize;
When motoring or shopping
The _coatee_ must be flopping
Through a belt that's sagging downward to the thighs.
But the evening toilette scheme
Shows the opposite extreme,
And, when for dance or dinner you're equipped,
A clinging "mermaid's tail"
The nether limbs must veil,
While the corsage is the only part that's slipped.

* * * * *

"At the close of the match, Mr. Burnett, Kenmay, announced the result
and called for cheers for the winners. Mr. J. Fulton, President
English Province R.C.C.C., responded."--_Field._

We are sorry that Mr. FULTON was the only one. After his opening
"Hip--hip--hip" even the most timid or indifferent should have joined in.

* * * * *

"Tickets purchased before the date will admit holders at 2 p.m. to
view the machine used when 'looping the loop,' and the passenger
carrying machine."

_Advt. in "The Varsity."_

At the risk of embarrassing this anonymous Samson we shall go early and
view him.

* * * * *

"Councillor Johnson said the Bye Laws wore not in a satisfactory
state, and suggested that Councillor Bayman be added to the number."

_Mossel Bay Advertiser._

Henceforward the penalty for breaking Councillor BAYMAN is forty shillings.

* * * * *

Report received by a South African mine-manager:--

"The mule being experimented with by feeding on bad mealies is still
being carried out, but up to date the animal seems to keep in normal
condition."

They must carry him out again.

* * * * *

[Illustration: LANGUAGE A LA MODE.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK? ISN'T IT _RATHER_ NICE?"

"MY DEAR, HOW _UTTERLY SUCCULENT_!"]

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

"THE TWO VIRTUES."

The news, which ran like wildfire through the town on Wednesday morning,
that Sir GEORGE ALEXANDER had signed the Covenant, must have stirred many
hearts; but those of us who saw him on the next night as the hero of Mr.
ALFRED SUTRO'S comedy are hoping that, at any rate, there will be no
fighting on Wednesday and Saturday afternoons, and that sentry duty in the
evenings may be performed by less valuable signatories. For in _Jeffery
Panton_ he has really found a part to suit him, and a part