be true genuine Irish footmen. Whereas they can be proved to be no
better than common toupees,[182] as a judicious eye may soon discover by
their awkward, clumsy, ungenteel gait and behaviour, by their
unskilfulness in dress, even with the advantage of wearing our habits,
by their ill-favoured countenances, with an air of impudence and dulness
peculiar to the rest of their brethren; who have not yet arrived at that
transcendent pitch of assurance. Although, it may be justly apprehended,
that they will do so in time, if these counterfeits shall happen to
succeed in their evil design, of passing for real footmen, thereby to
render themselves more amiable to the ladies.

Your petitioners do further allege, that many of the said counterfeits,
upon a strict examination, have been found in the very act of strutting,
swearing, staring, swaggering, in a manner that plainly shewed their
best endeavours to imitate us. Wherein, although they did not succeed,
yet by their ignorant and ungainly way of copying our graces, the utmost
indignity was endeavoured to be cast upon our whole profession.

Your Petitioners do therefore make it their humble request, that this
Honourable House, (to many of whom your Petitioners are nearly allied)
will please to take this grievance into your most serious consideration:
Humbly submitting, whether it would not be proper, that certain officers
might, at the public charge, be employed to search for, and discover all
such counterfeit footmen, and carry them before the next Justice of
Peace; by whose warrant, upon the first conviction, they should be
stripped of their coats, and oaken ornaments, and be set two hours in
the stocks. Upon the second conviction, besides stripping, be set six
hours in the stocks, with a paper pinned on their breast signifying
their crime, in large capital letters, and in the following words. "A. B.
commonly called A. B. Esq.; a toupee, and a notorious impostor, who
presumed to personate a true Irish footman."

And for any further offence the said toupee shall be committed to
Bridewell, whipped three times, forced to hard labour for a month, and
not be set at liberty, till he shall have given sufficient security for
his good behaviour.

Your Honours will please to observe with what lenity we propose to treat
these enormous offenders, who have already brought such a scandal on our
honourable calling, that several well-meaning people have mistaken them
to be of our Fraterni