* *

EVEN.

["Even the food of the men was wholesome and
abundant."--_Report_ of a German Correspondent who visited the
High Canal Fleet.]

Sing ho! for the Fleet in the Kiel Canal.
Where every man is the KAISER's pal,
And lives upon beer and bread;
And they all have food, so help them BILL!
For every officer gets his fill
And even the men are fed.

His beard as long as his hair is short,
VON TIRPITZ says with a mighty snort,
"We've money and men and boats;
We're here to-day and we're here to-morrow;
Pass up the beer and drink death to sorrow;
Why, even our Navy floats!

"Behind the locks of our snug retreat
We hurl defiance at JELLICOE'S Fleet
From Rosyth down to Dover!
We look across at the wet, wet sea
And we drink our beer till even we
Are almost half-seas over!

"Our men can eat, and they even drink;
They walk and talk, and they almost think;
They can turn to the left and right;
And when we strike a blow in the back,
Or sink a liner or fishing-smack,
By Odin, they even fight!"

* * * * *

Two headlines that appeared side by side in the same issue of an Evening
Paper:--

"WOMAN WILL PROBABLY BE TRIED IN CAMERA.

GERMAN FEARS FOR LENS."

* * * * *

"'Most of the world's real literature was written by poor
authors in their garrets.'

'Quite so. Homer, for example, wrote in the Attic.'"--_Evening
Paper._

Did he now? And we were always taught that he wrote (or, rather, sang)
in the Ionic.

* * * * *

From an article on the Clyde disputes:--

"Contrary to the instructions of the Munitions Ministry,
peace-prices are sometimes reduced, with resulting friction."

_Daily News._

We are glad to learn that the Scotch workmen do not belong to the
peace-at-any-price brigade.

* * * * *

THE CONQUEST.

Every January so long as I can remember it has been difficult; but this
year more so than ever. I cannot say why, except that last year was
peculiarly eventful and momentous.

The odd thing is that one begins so well. For the first day, at any
rate, one can do it quite easily; but it is after then that one has to
be vigilant; and however vigilant one is there are off-guard moments
when the fatal slip occurs.

Nor will any mechanical device assist you, fo