rmans or Austrians Employed Here.' 'Happy proprietor,' I
said, 'who can so trumpet his honesty without increasing either his
badges or his armlets!' The fact is that it set me thinking. Eventually
I hit on a plan. It was very disappointing to my aunt, but it answers
wonderfully."

"May I ask?" I said; "it might be useful."

"Oh, certainly, certainly. We have bought a little enamelled plate and
had it fixed to our gate. You may have noticed it. It has the words, 'No
Bottles.'"

* * * * *

THE MASCOT.

[Illustration: _Adoring Damsel._ "And you _will_ wear it always, _won't_
you?"

_Popular young Sub._ "Thanks awfully. It's frightfully decent of you,
and all that, but--er--you see, there's a lot of other little chaps
waitin' to do their bit; I'm afraid he'll have to take his turn with the
rest." ]

* * * * *

THE WATCH DOGS.

MY DEAR CHARLES,--You didn't catch sight of any mention of me in
despatches, did you? I have been rather too busy myself to read the list
properly, but I did just have time to cast a casual eye over the "H's,"
and I didn't notice the name of "Henry" standing out in heavy-leaded
capitals. It must be an inadvertence, of course. They must have said
something about me, as, for instance: "Especially to be remarked is the
noble altruism of Lieut. Henry, who on more than one march has been
observed to take his pack, containing all his worldly goods, off his
back and to hand it without ostentation to some lucky driver of a
limber, saying, 'Take it, my lad; your need is greater than mine.'" Or
again, referring to my later career: "The pen is mightier than the
sword, but Lieut. Henry's indelible pencil, when engaged on official
correspondence, is mightier than both." Or at least, at the very
beginning of things, I'm quite sure the Mentioner devoted a passing
phrase to me: "By the way, I have just received a consignment described
on the Movement Order as 'Officer, one, Henry, Lieut.' Speaking frankly
as between ourselves, what is it exactly? In any case I would gladly
exchange for a dozen tins of bully beef."

Talking of despatches, I see that our old friend the Regimental
Anarchist has not escaped notice. I never thought he would, for a less
unnoticeable man I don't remember meeting. He is one of those big untidy
fellows, very nice for purposes of war and all that, whom not the
cleverest adjutant could manage to conceal on a ceremonial