' braikin yo'r neck, an' noabody
pities them 'at laups aat o' th' fryin' pan into th' fire, an' it's a
easy matter to miss it.--Aa dear o' me! aw think it is!--and yo'd
think soa if yo'd seen what aw saw once. A mate o' mine courted a
lass, an' he'd monny a miss afore he gat throo wi it. He used to go
an' tawk to her throo a brokken window 'at ther wor i' th' weshhaase,
an' one neet shoo'd promised to meet him thear, an' he wanted to kuss
her as usual, but he started back. "Nay, Lucy," he said, "aw'm sure
thar't nooan reight. Has ta been growin' a mustash?" Mew! mew! it
went; an' he fan aat he'd kuss'd th' owd Tom cat. When th' neighbours
gate to know, they kursened him "Kusscat," an' they call him soa yet.
But that worn't all; for when he went to get wed he wor soa flustered
woll he stood i' th' wrang place, an' when th' time coom for him to
put th' ring on, he put it on th' woman next to him--he thowt it
didn't mean, for he cud get it swap'd after, but when it wor ovver
they all began to find aat ther'd been a mistak. "Why, Kusscat," said
one, "what's ta been doin'? Tha' s getten wed to thi mother." Th'
parson look'd glum, but he said, "It's noa use botherin' nah, its too
lat, you should ha' spokken afoor--an' aw think he's fittest to be wi'
his mother." But he roar'd like a bull, an' begged th' parson to do
it ovver, an' do it reight; but Lucy said, "He'd noa cashion, for
shoo'd live an' dee an owd maid for iver afoor shoo'd have ony chap
second hand." But her heart worn't as hard as shoo thowt, soa, shoo
gave in, an' th' next time they managed better.

Mysterious Disapperance.

A short time ago Mr. Fitzivitz, of Rank end, was seen to be swimming
at a great rate and making a most extensive spread in the river plate.
Several friends cautioned him not to go so far out of his depth, but
he was utterly heedless of advice, he dived still deeper, and was
observed to sink over head and ears in debt, leaving a large circle of
friends to bewail his loss. His body has since been recovered, but
all that could have comforted his anxious friends had fled, alas for
ever.

Sam it up.

Ther's a deal o' things scattered raand, at if fowk ud tak th' trouble
to pick up might do 'em a paar o' gooid, an' my advice is, if yo meet
wi' owt i' yor way 'at's likely to mak life better or happier, sam it
up, but first mak sure yo've a reight to it. Nah, aw once knew a chap
at fan a topcoit, an' he came to me, an' says--"A'a la