catch cold wi' salt watter." It worn't long
afoor they wanted ther tea, soa they went into th' haase an' ordered a
gooid feed. Aw've heeard cunjurors say, "Quick, Jack, fly," when
they've been puttin' summat aat o'th' seet; but ther worn't time to
say that wi' them, for th' breead and butter went like leetnin'. One
plate full after another kept comin' in, till at last th' mistress
said, "Aw think yo must ha' been hungry?" "E'ea, it's change o'
climate 'at does it," they said. Soa shoo browt in a fresh lot, but
it made noa difference; away it went after tother. "Do yo' know,".
shoo says, when shoo coom in agean, "at yo've etten two pund o' breead
apiece?" "Why what's two pund when its cut thin," they said? An' at
it they went agean. When they couldn't find room for ony moor, they
paid ther shot an' started off hooam, whear they landed safely. Th'
next Sunday neet, when th' gas wor lit at schooil iverybody wor capt
to see what an' improvement th' new meter wor. Soa after passin' a
vote o' thanks to th' superintendent an' th' taichers for th' trouble
they' been put to, th' matter dropt.

Plagues

A lecture on this subject was delivered on Tuesday evening, to the
members of the Ladies' Needle and Thimble Association, by the Rev.
James Sleek, curate of St. Enock's-in-the-Mist. After adverting to the
plagues of Egypt, the learned lecturer dwelt at length upon the
plagues of the present day, which he classed under the following heads:
--Servants, poor relations, borrowers, teetotallars, tobacco-smokers,
and children in arms. To counteract these evils were such associations
as the one he had the honor to address, select tea meetings, fancy
bazaars, and perambulators. The lecture gave great satisfaction.

End o' th' Year

It's a long loin 'at's niver a turn, an' th' longest loin ends
somewhear. Ther's a end to mooast things, an' this is th' end o' the
year. When a chap gets turned o' forty, years dooant seem as long as
once they did--he begins to be feeared o' time rolling on--but it's
fooilish, for it nawther gooas faster nor slower nor iver it did. But
he's a happy chap 'at, when th' year ends, can luk back an' think ha
mich gooid he's done, for it isn't what a chap will do for th' futer,
its what he has done i'th' past 'at fowk mun judge by. Its net wise
for onybody to booast o' what they mean to do in a month's time,
becoss we cannot tell what a month's time may do for us. We can
hardly help havin' a g