to-morrow; whether I
shall ever make up my mind to adhere to the persuasion, and live and die
a Quaker for her sake, is quite another matter--but I am afraid not--I
am too worldly-minded. The fact is, I am in a very awkward position with
respect to her. I have never acknowledged my affection, or asked for a
return, but she knows I love her, and I know that she loves me."

"Like all vain boys, you flatter yourself."

"I leave you to judge, sir," replied I, repeating to him our parting
_tete-a-tete_, and how I had returned, and found her in tears.

"All that certainly is very corroborative evidence; but tell me, Japhet,
do you think she loves you well enough to abandon all for your sake?"

"No, nor ever will, sir, she is too high principled, too high-minded.
She might suffer greatly, but she never would swerve from what she
thought was right."

"She must be a fine character, Japhet, but you will be in a dilemma:
indeed, it appears to me, that your troubles are now commencing instead
of ending, and that you would have been much happier where you were, than
you will be by being again brought out into the world. Your prospect is
not over cheerful. You have an awkward father to deal with: you will be
under a strong check, I've a notion, and I am afraid you will find that,
notwithstanding you will be once more received into society, all is
vanity and vexation of spirit."

"I am afraid you are right, sir," replied I, "but, at all events, it
will be something gained, to be acknowledged to the world by a father of
good family, whatever else I may have to submit to. I have been the sport
of fortune all my life, and probably she has not yet done playing with
me; but it is late, and I will now wish you good-night."

"Good-night, Japhet; if I have any intelligence I will let you know. Lady
de Clare's address is No. 13, Park Street. You will, of course, go there
as soon as you can."

"I will, sir, after I have written my letters to my friends at Reading."

Chapter LXXII

I am a little jealous, and, like the immortal William[A] Bottom,
inclined to enact more parts than one.--With a big effort my
hankering after bigamy is mastered by Mr Masterton--and by my own
good sense.

[Footnote A: Or rather Nick--Ed.]

I returned home to reflect upon what Mr Masterton had told me, and I must
say that I was not very well pleased with his various information. His
account of my mother, although she was