comfort I had there
mere hypocrisy and delusion, and be nearly ready to give over what
depended on myself. Chapel was always joy; it brought change and the
presence of others, if nothing else; and that would in itself have been
enough to banish the hauntings.'

'And they did not interfere with your own readings?' said the Doctor,
preferring this to the word that he meant.

'I could not let them,' said Leonard. 'There was always refreshment;
it was only before and after that all would seem mockery, profanation,
or worse still, delusion and superstition--as if my very condition
proved that there was none to hear.'

'The hobgoblin had all but struck the book out of Christian's hand,'
said Dr. May, pressing his grasp on Leonard's shuddering arm. 'You are
only telling me that you have been in the valley of the shadow of
death; you have not told me that you lost the rod and staff.'

'No, I must have been helped, or I should not have my senses now.'

And perhaps it was the repressed tremor of voice and frame rather than
the actual words that induced the Doctor to reply--'That is the very
point, Leonard. It is the temptation to us doctors to ascribe too much
to the physical and too little to the moral; and perhaps you would be
more convinced by Mr. Wilmot than by me; but I do verily believe that
all the anguish you describe could and would have been insanity if
grace had not been given you to conquer it. It was a tottering of the
mind upon its balance; and, humanly speaking, it was the self-control
that enabled you to force yourself to your duties, and find relief in
them, which saved you. I should just as soon call David conquered
because the "deep waters had come in over his soul."'

'You can never know how true those verses are,' said Leonard, with
another shiver.

'At least I know to what kind of verses they all lead,' said the
Doctor; 'and I am sure they led you, and that you had more and brighter
hours than you now remember.'

'Yes, it was not all darkness. I believe there were more spaces than I
can think of now, when I was very fairly happy, even at Pentonville;
and at Portland all did well with me, till last spring, and then the
news from Massissauga brought back all the sense of blood-guiltiness,
and it was worse than ever.'

'And that sense was just as morbid as your other horrible doubt, about
which you asked me when we were coming home.'

'I see it was now, but that was the worst time of all--the