is cousinage to Lady Betty Heeltap and my Lord
Poddle everywhere he went; but the French and German Magnificoes were
less Haughty, and were glad to receive an English Traveller who, when
his Vanity was concerned, would spend his cash without stint. We drank a
great deal of the Water of the Spaw, and uncommonly nasty it was, making
it a Thing of vital necessity to take the Taste of it out of our Mouths
as soon as might be with Wine and Strong Waters.

From the Spaw we went by easy Stages to Cologne, a dirty, foul-smelling
place, but very Handsome in Buildings, and saw all that was to be seen,
that is to say, the churches, which Abound Greatly. The Jesuits' Church
is the neatest, and this was shown us in a very complaisant manner,
although 'tis not the custom to allow Protestants to enter it. Our
Cicerone was a bouncing young Jesuit, with a Face as Rosy as the sunny
side of a Katherine Pear; but it shocked me to hear how he indulged in
Drolleries and Raileries in the very edifice itself. He quizzed both the
Magnificence and Tawdriness of the Altars, the Images of the Saints, the
Rich Framing of the Relics, and all he came across, seeming no more
impressed by their solemnity than the Verger Fellow in Westminster Abbey
when he shows the Waxwork to a knot of Yokels at sixpence a head.
"Surely," I thought, "there must be something wrong in a Faith whose
Professors make so light of its ceremonies, and turn Buffoons in the
very Temples;" nor could I help murmuring inwardly at that profusion of
Pearls, Diamonds, and Rubies bestowed on the adornment of a parcel of
old Bones, decayed Teeth, and dirty Rags. A Fine English Lady, all paint
and Furbelows, who was in the church with us, honestly owned that she
coveted St. Ursula's great Pearl Necklace, and, says she, "'Tis no sin,
and not coveting one's neighbour's goods, for neither St. Ursula nor the
Jesuits are any Neighbours of mine;" and as for my Master, he stared at
a Great St. Christopher, mighty fine in Silver, and said that it would
have looked very well as an Ornament for a Cistern in his garden at
Hampstead.

From Cologne to Nuremberg was five days, travelling post from Frankfort;
and here we observed the difference between the Free Towns of Germany
and those under the government of petty Absolute Princes. The streets of
Nuremberg are well built, and full of People; the shops are loaded with
Merchandise, and commonly Clean and Cheerful. In Cologne and Wurtsburg
there was b