r did I see a
larger fry of holy men and women, professing to live only for the next
world, but making the very best of this one while they were in it. A
greasy, lazy, worthless Rabble-Rout they were, making their Religion a
mere Pretext for Mendicancy and the worst of crimes. For the most part
they were as Ignorant as Irish Hedge Schoolmasters; but there were those
among them of the Jesuit, Capuchin, and Benedictine orders; men very
subtle and dangerous, well acquainted with the Languages, and able to
twist you round their Little Fingers with False Rhetoric and Lying
Persuasions. These Snakes in the grass got about my poor weak-minded
Master, although we, as True Protestants and Faithful Servants, did our
utmost to keep them out; but if you closed the Door against 'em, they
would come in at the Keyhole, and if you made the Window fast, they
would slip down the Chimney; and, with their Pernicious Doctrines,
Begging Petitions, and Fraudulent Representations, did so Badger, Bait,
Beleaguer, and Bully him, that the poor Man knew not which Way to Turn.
They too did much differ in their Theology, and each order of Friars
seemed to hold the strong opinion that all who wore cowls cut in another
shape than theirs, or shaved their pates differently, must Infallibly
Burn; but they were of one Mind in tugging at Mr. Pinchin's
Purse-strings, and their cry was ever that of the Horse-Leech's Three
Daughters--"Give, give!"

Thus they did extract from him Forty Crowns in gold for Redeeming out of
Slavery among the Sallee Rovers ten Citizens of Ratisbon fallen into
that doleful captivity; although I do on my conscience believe that
there were not five native-born men in the whole city who had ever seen
the Salt Sea, much less a Sallee Rover. Next was a donation for a
petticoat for this Saint, and a wig for that one; a score of Ducats for
a School, another for an Hospital for Lepers; until it was Ducats here
and Ducats there all day long. Nor was this the worst; for my Master
began to be Troubled in the Spirit, and to cry out against the Vanities
of the World, and to sigh after the Blessedness of a Life passed in
Seclusion and Contemplation.

"I'll turn Monk, I will," he cried out one day; "my Lord Duke of Wharton
did it, and why should not I?"

"Monk, and a Murrain to them and Mercy to us all!" says Mr. Hodge, quite
aghast. "What new Bee will you put under your Bonnet next, sir?"

"You're a Heretic," answered Mr. Pinchin. "An Anglic