and I took a good grip on the lead pipe and tried to turn
away wrath by a soft answer, and quoting from our advertisement that it
was a highly moral and intellectual entertainment.

"'Not by a dern sight, it ain't,' says he. 'It's a blasted man-trap to
ketch the unwary, an' I'll have the law on ye an' make yer pay fer
trifling with my young affections.' I have had some pretty tough things
said to me in my day, but that was about the worst ever, and pretty
nearly took my breath away, but he went right on.

"'I deliver milk to that boardin' house down the street an' I see a
likely lookin' gal there lately an' I wanted some one to help milk an'
look after the house, so I asks her to marry me. She says she will, so
we hitched up an' I never knew she was one o' yer dern freaks until it
was too late. She says she's a "Tattooed Lady," an' she's all covered
with picters.'

"'Well, what's the matter with 'em?' says I. 'Aren't they good
pictures?'

"'Good enough,' says he, 'for them as likes 'em; but I don't hanker
after no decorations o' that kind an', b'gosh, I'll make yer pay fer
palmin' off a damaged article on me. She's all over snakes an' other
beasts an' it makes me sick ter my stummick every time I thinks of 'em.'
I tried to convince him that we were not responsible and that it was his
wife's duty to have informed him.

"'That's what I told her, dod gast her! But she says it's my own fault
if I didn't know she was a "Tattooed Lady," because I never asked her,
an' blamed if she isn't proud o' them picters, too.'"

"How did you settle it--did he get damages?" asked the Stranger.

"Damages!" exclaimed the Press Agent as he wiped the foam from his
moustache. "Why, Merritt came in, and when he heard the guy's kick he
lit right into him.

"'Blame your skin!' he yelled. 'I've a good mind to have you arrested
for stealing the pictures from my art gallery. I have a claim on 'em,
for I paid for the liquor to keep a sailor drunk for six weeks while he
was doing that job.' The Rube got onto the fact that she was valuable,
so they adjourned to a saloon to talk it over."

"With what result?" asked the Proprietor, as he rose from the table.

"Well, Merritt got her back on the platform, the Rube sold his farm, and
within six weeks he was wearing more yellow diamonds and throwing a
bigger chest than the husband of a grand opera prima donna."

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