eyes, so I'll paint the blame snake red,
white and blue and christen him the "anacondus flagelum americanibus e
pluribus unum," and give the reporters something to work on,' says he.
'That'll work up the snakologists and set 'em writing in the papers to
prove that there isn't any such thing; but we've got the answer to
that, for we can show 'em one at twenty-five cents per.'

"I never could stand for flim-flamming the generous public, but my meal
ticket was punched so full of holes that it looked like a porous
plaster, and I consented. Merritt spent most of the night decorating
that python, and in the morning it looked like the pennant of a
man-o'-war. I had to sit up and watch him, for he had the artistic
temperament, and he was so carried away by his enthusiasm that if I
hadn't restrained him he would have put on the coat-of-arms of the
United States, eagle, motto and all.

"'Now,' says he, when he had finished and stepped back to admire his
work, 'if that blame snake's own mother would know him if she met him on
the street, I'm a Dutchman. If this don't make 'em sit up and take
notice, then I'll go to night school to learn the show business.'"

"How did the scheme work?" asked the Proprietor, as the Press Agent
paused to make the grand hailing sign of distress to the waiter.

"Work!" he answered. "How does a fake always work in New York? Why, P.
T. Barnum had the mold for his petrified man made from the legs of one
man and the body of another, and he didn't even take the trouble to
smooth off the ridges where the edges met when he cast it in Portland
cement. But that didn't prevent all of the scientific sharps who
inspected it from certifying to its genuineness. His mermaid was
manufactured from a codfish skin and a stuffed monkey; but the public
stood for that, too, and he made a fortune out of 'em. Maybe you can't
fool all of the people all of the time, but you can fool most of 'em
most of the time; especially if they live in little old New York. Of
course, we didn't pull off such a success as Barnum did; but we had no
kick coming when we counted up the receipts for the next week. Merritt's
lecture was a work of art and he manufactured language at a rate which
would have given Noah Webster nervous prostration when he christened the
python 'Old Glory,' and told about its combining the venomous qualities
of the cobra and the strength of the boa-constrictor. The python was so
stuck on its new colors that it nearly