nstincts? Was this knowledge acquired
at such cost of labour and life and love by my fellow-men of so little
worth to me that I could ignore it? declare that it had no significance
for me? no bearing on my life and conduct? If I were to rise and go
forward--and I now felt something like a continued impulse, in spite
of relaxations and revolts--I must master this knowledge, it must be my
guide, form the basis of my creed. I--who never had had a creed, never
felt the need of one! For lack of one I had been rudely jolted out of
the frail shell I had thought so secure, and stood, as it were, naked
and shivering to the storms, staring at a world that was no function
of me, after all. My problem, indeed, was how to become a function of
it....

I resolved upon a course of reading, but it was a question what books to
get. Krebs could have told me, if he had lived. I even thought once
of writing Perry Blackwood to ask him to make a list of the volumes in
Krebs's little library; but I was ashamed to do this.

Dr. Strafford still remained with me. Not many years out of the medical
school, he had inspired me with a liking for him and a respect for his
profession, and when he informed me one day that he could no longer
conscientiously accept the sum I was paying him, I begged him to stay
on. He was a big and wholesome young man, companionable, yet quiet and
unobtrusive, watchful without appearing to be so, with the innate as
well as the cultivated knowledge of psychology characteristic of the
best modern physicians. When I grew better I came to feel that he had
given his whole mind to the study of my case, though he never betrayed
it in his conversation.

"Strafford," I said to him one morning with such an air of unconcern as
I could muster, "I've an idea I'd like to read a little science. Could
you recommend a work on biology?"

I chose biology because I thought he would know something about it.

"Popular biology, Mr. Paret?"

"Well, not too popular," I smiled. "I think it would do me good to use
my mind, to chew on something. Besides, you can help me over the tough
places."

He returned that afternoon with two books.

"I've been rather fortunate in getting these," he said. "One is fairly
elementary. They had it at the library. And the other--" he paused
delicately, "I didn't know whether you might be interested in the latest
speculations on the subject."

"Speculations?" I repeated.

"Well, the philosophy of it." He a