, no sound my soul untune;
From pity or tears or sorrow I still remained immune.

"I own that before my arrival I felt an occasional qualm
Lest the shock of the unexpected might shatter my wonted calm;
But it gave me the richest rapture to find I was wholly free
From the crude and vulgar emotions that harass the plain V.C.

"I inspected the great war-engine, and, instead of its going strong,
I saw that in each of its workings there was always something wrong;
In fact, with the old black powder and the obsolete Brown Bess
The chances of missing your target were infinitely less.

"The so-called arm of precision scores only by lucky hits,
Though the 'heavies' and high explosives may possibly blow you to bits;
I saw one corpse on my 'joy-ride,' the head had been blown away,
And the thought of this painless ending produced in me no dismay."

_Now he's back in the finest feather from his holiday with the Staff,_
_And we're sure that no one will grudge him the meed of this epitaph:_
_"He went through the fiery furnace, but never a hair was missed_
_From the heels of our most colossal Arch-Super-Egotist."_

* * * * *

"GREAT WHITE SALE.

UNREPEATABLE BARGAINS IN LINGERIE."--_Daily Paper._

We respect this reticence.

* * * * *

"The public are responding but slowly to the appeal of the Post Office
to facilitate the delay of correspondence in London by using the new
numbered addresses."--_Daily Mail._

If that is really the object, why hurry?

* * * * *

[Illustration: CANCELLED

BY ORDER OF THE COMPETENT MILITARY AUTHORITY.]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

_Monday, March 12th._--Having declared war upon the Government the
Nationalists are seeking a suitable plan of campaign. The Home Rule demand
never obtained much support among the Irish farmers until FINTAN LALOR
hitched it on to the Land question, and ever since Mr. WYNDHAM'S Land
Purchase Act turned the tenants into prospective owners it has been
steadily losing momentum. Mr. GINNELL, who made his reputation as a
perverse species of cowboy, now witnesses with grim satisfaction the
efforts of his colleagues to borrow his policy and break up the grass
farms. It was rather hard on him that the Parliamentary printer should have
ruined one of his questions on the subject by making him sa