_Mabel._ "OH YES, OF COURSE, MRS. SMITH."

_Ethel._ "IS HE IN FRANCE?" _Mabel._ "NO, HE'S IN THE WAR LOAN."]

* * * * *

THE PLOT PRECAUTIONARY.

(_The KAISER addresses his Transatlantic Faithful._)

Ye stalwart Huns and strident,
Who can't come home again,
Because base Albion's trident,
Though largely on the wane,
Still occupies successfully the surface of the main;

Give ear, my gallant fellows,
While I the truth declare;
Britain's expiring bellows
Will shortly rend the air;
Wiping the earth up then will be a simplified affair.

But, while at home our Hunnish
Valour obtains the day,
It must be yours to punish
The craven U.S.A.,
Debouching on them unawares from Sinaloa way.

I make the rough suggestion,
And it shall be your care
To solve the minor question
Of how and when and where,
Aided by Gen. CARRANZA, the party with the hair.

Some pesos and centavos
He will of course demand
Before he leads his bravos
Across the Rio Grande;
Offer the fellow all he wants--in German notes of hand.

Meanwhile the Hyphenated,
Busy with bomb and knife,
Will likewise hand the hated
Gringos a taste of strife,
Starting with Colonel ROOSEVELT and the Editor of _Life_.

These are, in brief, the vistas
That swim before my ken;
So tell the Carranzistas
To up and act like men;
And say the money's coming on, but do not mention when.

Bid them with sword and fire wreck
The pale Pacific West;
And tell SYLVESTER VIERECK
And BARTHOLDT and the rest
To call the Lagerbund to arms and jump on WILSON'S chest.

There'll be some opposition--
That I can quite foresee;
But bear in mind your mission
Must primarily be
To keep the swine-dog Yankees from jumping on to _me_!
ALGOL.

* * * * *

Our Commercial Stylists.

"--, SONS & CO., LTD.,

ARE SHOWING A DELIGHTFUL RANGE OF CORSETS, EMBRACING THE MOST APPROVED
MODELS."--_Glasgow Herald._

* * * * *

"Dover: Gas up 5d. a 1,000.
Tunbridge Wells: Gas up 2d. a 1,000.
Lord Selborne is up again, after a chill."--_Evening News._

Good, but how much?