ogic the English
understand;" and then, lest the important fact should be forgotten, he
clothes the sentiment in the following burst of genuine _American_
eloquence:--"To affect their understandings, we must punch their heads."
So much for the chapter on "Our Individual Relations with England,"
which promise to be of so friendly a nature that future travellers had
better take with them a supply of bandages, lint, and diachylon plaster,
so as to be ready for the new _genuine American_ process of intellectual
expansion.

Another chapter is dedicated to "Sixpenny Miracles in England," which is
chiefly composed of _rechauffees_ from our own press, and with which the
reader is probably familiar; but there are some passages sufficiently
amusing for quotation:--"English officials are invariably impertinent,
from the policeman at the corner to the minister in Downing-street ...
a stranger might suppose them paid to insult, rather than to oblige ...
from the clerk at the railway depot to the secretary of the office where
a man is compelled to go about passports, the same laconic rudeness is
observable." How the _American mind_ must have been galled, when a
cabinet minister said, "not at home" to a free and enlightened citizen,
who, on a levee day at the White House, can follow his own
hackney-coachman into the august presence of the President elect.
Conceive him strolling up Charing Cross, then suddenly stopping in the
middle of the pavement, wrapt in thought as to whether he should cowhide
the insulting minister, or give him a chance at twenty yards with a
revolving carbine. Ere the knotty point is settled in his mind, a voice
from beneath a hat with an oilskin top sounds in his ear, "Move on, sir,
don't stop the pathway!" Imagine the sensations of a sovereign citizen
of a sovereign state, being subject to such indignities from stipendiary
ministers and paid police. Who can wonder that he conceives it the duty
of government so to regulate public offices, &c., "as to protect not
only its own subjects, but strangers, from the insults of these
impertinent hirelings." The bile of the author rises with his subject,
and a few pages further on he throws it off in the following beautiful
sentence:--"Better would it be for the honour of the English nation if
they had been born in the degradation, as they are endued with the
propensities, of the modern Egyptians."

At last, among other "sixpenny miracles," he arrives at the Zoological