her
or companion, hoping nothing for his future life, and fervently wishing
he had never been born,--I felt the full extent of my calamity, and I
feel it now. I know that day after day such feelings will return upon
me. I am a slave--a prisoner--but that is nothing; if it were myself
alone I would not complain, but I am forbidden to rescue my son from
ruin, and what was once my only consolation is become the crowning source
of my despair.

Have I no faith in God? I try to look to Him and raise my heart to
heaven, but it will cleave to the dust. I can only say, 'He hath hedged
me about, that I cannot get out: He hath made my chain heavy. He hath
filled me with bitterness--He hath made me drunken with wormwood.' I
forget to add, 'But though He cause grief, yet will He have compassion
according to the multitude of His mercies. For He doth not afflict
willingly nor grieve the children of men.' I ought to think of this; and
if there be nothing but sorrow for me in this world, what is the longest
life of misery to a whole eternity of peace? And for my little
Arthur--has he no friend but me? Who was it said, 'It is not the will of
your Father which is in heaven that one of these little ones should
perish?'

CHAPTER XLI

March 20th.--Having now got rid of Mr. Huntingdon for a season, my
spirits begin to revive. He left me early in February; and the moment he
was gone, I breathed again, and felt my vital energy return; not with the
hope of escape--he has taken care to leave me no visible chance of
that--but with a determination to make the best of existing
circumstances. Here was Arthur left to me at last; and rousing from my
despondent apathy, I exerted all my powers to eradicate the weeds that
had been fostered in his infant mind, and sow again the good seed they
had rendered unproductive. Thank heaven, it is not a barren or a stony
soil; if weeds spring fast there, so do better plants. His apprehensions
are more quick, his heart more overflowing with affection than ever his
father's could have been, and it is no hopeless task to bend him to
obedience and win him to love and know his own true friend, as long as
there is no one to counteract my efforts.

I had much trouble at first in breaking him of those evil habits his
father had taught him to acquire, but already that difficulty is nearly
vanquished now: bad language seldom defiles his mouth, and I have
succeeded in giving him an absolute disgust f