l, when I omitted writing, he complained of my neglect.
When I wrote sternly and coldly, as I confess I frequently did at the
last, he blamed my harshness, and said it was enough to scare him from
his home: when I tried mild persuasion, he was a little more gentle in
his replies, and promised to return; but I had learnt, at last, to
disregard his promises.

CHAPTER XXIX

Those were four miserable months, alternating between intense anxiety,
despair, and indignation, pity for him and pity for myself. And yet,
through all, I was not wholly comfortless: I had my darling, sinless,
inoffensive little one to console me; but even this consolation was
embittered by the constantly-recurring thought, 'How shall I teach him
hereafter to respect his father, and yet to avoid his example?'

But I remembered that I had brought all these afflictions, in a manner
wilfully, upon myself; and I determined to bear them without a murmur.
At the same time I resolved not to give myself up to misery for the
transgressions of another, and endeavoured to divert myself as much as I
could; and besides the companionship of my child, and my dear, faithful
Rachel, who evidently guessed my sorrows and felt for them, though she
was too discreet to allude to them, I had my books and pencil, my
domestic affairs, and the welfare and comfort of Arthur's poor tenants
and labourers to attend to: and I sometimes sought and obtained amusement
in the company of my young friend Esther Hargrave: occasionally I rode
over to see her, and once or twice I had her to spend the day with me at
the Manor. Mrs. Hargrave did not visit London that season: having no
daughter to marry, she thought it as well to stay at home and economise;
and, for a wonder, Walter came down to join her in the beginning of June,
and stayed till near the close of August.

The first time I saw him was on a sweet, warm evening, when I was
sauntering in the park with little Arthur and Rachel, who is head-nurse
and lady's-maid in one--for, with my secluded life and tolerably active
habits, I require but little attendance, and as she had nursed me and
coveted to nurse my child, and was moreover so very trustworthy, I
preferred committing the important charge to her, with a young
nursery-maid under her directions, to engaging any one else: besides, it
saves money; and since I have made acquaintance with Arthur's affairs, I
have learnt to regard that as no trifling recommendation; for, by