, yes, of course,' said she, interrupting me with a gesture of
impatience. 'But I cannot go, Helen, before the time appointed for our
departure. What possible pretext could I frame for such a thing?
Whether I proposed going back alone--which Lowborough would not hear
of--or taking him with me, the very circumstance itself would be certain
to excite suspicion--and when our visit is so nearly at an end
too--little more than a week--surely you can endure my presence so long!
I will not annoy you with any more of my friendly impertinences.'

'Well, I have nothing more to say to you.'

'Have you mentioned this affair to Huntingdon?' asked she, as I was
leaving the room.

'How dare you mention his name to me!' was the only answer I gave.

No words have passed between us since, but such as outward decency or
pure necessity demanded.

CHAPTER XXXV

Nineteenth.--In proportion as Lady Lowborough finds she has nothing to
fear from me, and as the time of departure draws nigh, the more audacious
and insolent she becomes. She does not scruple to speak to my husband
with affectionate familiarity in my presence, when no one else is by, and
is particularly fond of displaying her interest in his health and
welfare, or in anything that concerns him, as if for the purpose of
contrasting her kind solicitude with my cold indifference. And he
rewards her by such smiles and glances, such whispered words, or
boldly-spoken insinuations, indicative of his sense of her goodness and
my neglect, as make the blood rush into my face, in spite of myself--for
I would be utterly regardless of it all--deaf and blind to everything
that passes between them, since the more I show myself sensible of their
wickedness the more she triumphs in her victory, and the more he flatters
himself that I love him devotedly still, in spite of my pretended
indifference. On such occasions I have sometimes been startled by a
subtle, fiendish suggestion inciting me to show him the contrary by a
seeming encouragement of Hargrave's advances; but such ideas are banished
in a moment with horror and self-abasement; and then I hate him tenfold
more than ever for having brought me to this!--God pardon me for it and
all my sinful thoughts! Instead of being humbled and purified by my
afflictions, I feel that they are turning my nature into gall. This must
be my fault as much as theirs that wrong me. No true Christian could
cherish such bitter feelings as I do aga