for the first time--"Mabel Hite & Mike Donlin."

"Why, I thought they were here next week," he said. "Now you will see
something good."

Just then Melville & Higgins walked out on the stage. The chap down in
front started to applaud, then his jaw dropped, and he gasped out,

"_My God, how Mike has fallen away._"

* * * * *

The manager of a small Moving Picture and Vaudeville Theater in Lincoln,
Nebraska, was watching the opening show of the week. A Horizontal Bar
came on, two men, one a straight acrobat, the other a clown. As soon as
the act was over the manager went back and fired the clown.

"Fired?" said the clown in amazement; "what for?"

"Because you can't do nothin'; you missed every trick you went after;
t'other feller is all right; he can work."

* * * * *

Joe Keaton, "the Man With the Table, a Wife and Three Kids," was in
three hotel fires inside of fourteen months. But he always managed to
get his little family out safe. In addition to doing that, he always
managed to save something; and that something was the same every time.
When they had all got down the fire escapes, and had reached a place of
safety, Joe would find clutched tightly in his hand--_a cake of soap_.

* * * * *

One night Ezra Kendal left his wife at the elevator in the Union Hotel
in Chicago, saying that he would be right up in a few minutes. Two hours
later he came up to the room.

"Where have you been all this time, Ezra?" asked his wife.

"I met a couple of Interlocutors downstairs, and I have been doing End
Man to them," said Ezra.

[Illustration: It Isn't the Coat that makes the Man.]

Fred Niblo and his wife (Josephine Cohan) were playing at Proctor's 23d
Street Theater in New York. Fred always wore a Prince Albert coat in his
act. On this day he had considerable trouble in getting his necktie to
suit him. Finally he got arranged, slipped on the Prince Albert,
buttoned it, took one final look into the glass, and started for the
door.

"Where are you going, dear?" asked Mrs. N. in that wifely tone that
always makes a man shrink.

"Why, I am going out to do my act," said Fred. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing," said Mrs. N., "only I thought perhaps you would want to
put some trousers on."

A NIGHT IN BOHEMIA

When George W. Day got married he took awful chances. Well, of course,
we all do, for that matter; but George took