ain, a pretty-near diamond stud and ring and the
roll of ones and twos, with a twenty on the outside.

After supper, sitting around the fire, he started in telling them what a
success he was; he told them of all the big theaters he had appeared in;
how good the newspapers said he was; what a large salary he received,
etc., etc.

All seemed highly impressed; all except Father; finally, after a couple
of hours of it, he could contain himself no longer, and burst out--

"Say, when are you going to stop this dumb fool business and come back
and go to driving that wagon again?"

* * * * *

Ed Grey, "the Tall Story Teller," went from a small country town on to
the stage. It was ten years before he ever came back to play the home
town. When he did the whole town turned out _en masse_; the Grey family
ditto; after the show the family was seated around the dining-room
table, talking it over. Mother sat beside her big boy, proud and happy.
The others were discussing the show.

"That Mister Brown was awful good."

"Oh, but I liked that Blink & Blunk the best."

"That Miss Smith was awful sweet."

But not a word did any one have to say about "Eddie." Finally he burst
out--

"Well, how was _I_?"

There was an ominous pause, and then Mother, reaching over and patting
his knee lovingly, said,

"Now, don't you care, Eddie, as long as you get your money."

* * * * *

Cliff Gordon's father doesn't believe it _yet_. Cliff was playing in New
York and stopping at home.

"Vere you go next veek, Morris?" asked Father.

"Orpheum, Brooklyn," replied Cliff.

"How mooch vages do you get dere?"

"Three fifty."

"Tree huntret unt fifty tollars?"

"Uh huh."

Father nodded his head, sighed deeply, thought a minute, then--

"Then vere do you go?"

"Alhambra, New York."

"How mooch?"

"Three fifty."

"Then vere?"

"Keith's, Philadelphia."

"How mooch you get ofer dere?"

"Just the same; three fifty."

Father sighed again, thought deeply for a few minutes, then, with
another sigh, said, half to himself,

"Dey can't _all_ be crazy."

* * * * *

Tim McMahon (McMahon & Chapelle) had a mother who did not believe
theaters were proper and Tim had a hard time getting her to come to see
him at all. But finally she came to see her "Timmite" act. It was a big
show, ten acts, and Tim was on number nine. After the show was over