ose you catchee two dollah one-piecee time? Can do?

_Plofessor._ No can! My wantchee save face! My plice ten dollah, by'mby
twenty dollah one-piecee time, allo same tango fashion.

_Student._ That ting no b'long leason! You b'long clevah
inside--understand? My sabby heap foleign debble.... You catchee plenty
cumshah!

_Plofessor._. My no lose face....

etc., etc., _da capo_.

_Nut._ _You_-piecee here? Chin-chin!

_Noisette._. Allo same you. You sabby plenty girl-chilo here?

_Nut._ My _don't_ tink. Who-man b'long that boy-chilo you jussee talkee
down-side?

_Noisette._ That b'long _my_ pidgin!

_Nut._ Solly! S'pose you wantchee one-piecee dance? My b'long numbah one
good boy!

_Noisette._ Can do first chop.

_Nut._ You sabby-dancee ta-tao?

_Noisette._ Can do two-piecee step so-fashion, one-piecee step
_so_-fashion....

_Nut._ You b'long quite top-side.... I say, this lingo is about the
edge. Put me down for the chow-chow--I mean supper, what!

_Noisette._ Sorry. Full up. Ta-tao!

Zig-Zag.

* * * * *

THE PRICE OF ADMIRALTY.

[Illustration: Mr. Punch. "YOU SEEM A LITTLE ANXIOUS, MADAM."

Britannia. "YES; I'M WAITING TO KNOW WHETHER I'M TO LAY DOWN THE SHIPS I
WANT----"

Mr. Punch. "OR LAY DOWN YOUR TRIDENT!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration:

Mrs. A as "Furthest North."

Mr. B as "A Bath."

Mr. C as "The Duke of Marlborough."

Miss D as "A Comfy Winter Evening."

Mr. E as "A Country Squire".

The Brothers F as "A Baby Grand."

Theatre and Tyre Companies are no longer going to be allowed a monopoly
in advertising at fancy balls. From private information we are able to
anticipate some novelties for the next carnival.]

* * * * *

THE MOAN OF THE OLD HORSES.

(See correspondence in _The Spectator_ upon the sufferings of old horses
exported alive to Antwerp.)

"Master, it was long ago you rode me;
Master, you were careful of me then;
Never was there anyone bestrode me
Equal to my master among men.
When we flew the hedge and ditch together--
'_Good lass!_'--how it made me prick my ear!
Horn and hound, bright steel and polished leather,
Long ago--if you but saw me here!"

_Pitiless wind and heaving surge,
A fevered foot and a running sore,
The siren's shriek for a funeral dirge,
And a hobble to death on the further shore.