elocity is desired. When
the striking ball has made contact with the object ball, suction is
immediately produced by releasing this fan, which you may see just
inside the nozzle."

"By Jove!" I said, "I must have one of those. No, I won't take the whole
set; I can't afford a caddie to go round a billiard room with me."

"Thank you, Sir," returned the shopman. "Perhaps you might consider our
latest marking-board for your own room--our Cinema-Board. For the slate
in the centre we have substituted revolving illuminated films showing
the leading players at work. Information and instruction hand-in-hand
with pleasure. When you go to the board to register the score you often
get a hint from the moving picture.... No, Sir? Have you seen our
musical pockets? Quite the latest New Year billiard novelty. When the
ball drops into the net the weight presses on this stop, which releases
a musical phrase from a musical-box under the table. We have some
delightful rag-time effects for Pool.... Not to-day, Sir? Thank you,
Sir. The 'Vacuum Patent' and the secret-jointed cue shall be delivered
this afternoon. Good day, Sir."

* * * * *

THE BARGAIN.

[Illustration: "Look here, old chap, I'll dance twice with your ugly
little sister if you'll take my mater down to grub."]

* * * * *

THE PIDGIN TROT.

The Paris Academy of Dancing Masters, according to a contemporary,
announce a real successor to the Tango in the "Ta-tao." This dance is at
any rate of respectable antiquity, as it has been popular in China since
the year 2450 B.C. We anticipate an influx of slit-eyed professors from
the Middle Kingdom, and are therefore brushing up our pidgin English in
order that _Mr. Punch's_ readers may be able to deal with the situation
in the ball-rooms and at Ta-tao teas. Thus:--

_Student._ Chin-chin, Mr. Dance-pidgin-man!

_Plofessor._ Chin-chin, sah!

_Student._ You jussee now come this-side?

_Plofessor._ My hab jussee come Luntun.

_Student._ You talkee Yin-ke-li?

_Plofessor._ Can do. My sabby Englishee allo same you. My talkee tlue
pidgin, no talkee lie pidgin.

_Student._ That b'long first chop! My wantchee catchee you teachee my,
allo same same you dancee ta-tao.

_Plofessor._ My teachee numbah one plopah!

_Student._ So-fashion eh? How muchee plice?

_Plofessor._ My no makee squeeze-pidgin. My teachee velly well. S'pose
you talkee plice....

_Student._ S'p