ch from right motives, and stood on
the side of Christ; though laughed at by my fellow-students.

It had pleased God to teach me something of the meaning of that precious
truth: "God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
I understood something of the reason why the Lord Jesus died on the cross,
and suffered such agonies in the Garden of Gethsemane: even that thus,
bearing the punishment due to us, we might not have to bear it ourselves.
And, therefore, apprehending in some measure the love of Jesus for my
soul, I was constrained to love Him in return. What all the exhortations
and precepts of my father and others could not effect; what all my own
resolutions could not bring about, even to renounce a life of sin and
profligacy: I was enabled to do, constrained by the love of Jesus. The
individual who desires to have his sins forgiven, must seek for it through
the blood of Jesus. The individual who desires to get power over sin, must
likewise seek it through the blood of Jesus.

In January 1826, I began to read missionary papers, and was greatly
stirred up to become a missionary myself. I prayed frequently concerning
this matter, and thus made more decided progress for a few weeks. But
soon, alas! I was drawn aside. I used frequently to meet a young female,
who also came to the meetings on Saturday evenings; and being the only
pious female of my own age, whom I knew, I soon felt myself greatly
attached to her. This led away my heart from missionary work, for I had
reason to believe that her parents would not allow her to go with me. My
prayers now became cold and formal, and at length were almost entirely
given up. My joy in the Lord left me. In this state I continued for about
six weeks. At the end of that time, about Easter 1826, I saw a devoted
young brother, named Hermann Ball, a learned man, and of wealthy parents,
who, constrained by the love of Christ, preferred labouring in Poland
among the Jews as a missionary, to having a comfortable living near his
relations. His example made a deep impression on me. I was led to apply
his case to my own, and to compare myself with him; for I had given up the
work of the Lord, and, I may say, the Lord Himself, for the sake of a
girl. The result of this comparison was, that I was enabled to give up
this connexion, which I had entered into without prayer, and which thus
had led me awa